Woman Saved From Deathly Car Crash by, You Guessed it, Boobs.

I'm on a roll her people!

I think this might be the theme for January, "Woman who've had their lives saved in one way or another by bras or boobs."

Anyhow, on to the story.

Lisa Somerville had always been flat chested.

And at 28, she had taken to wearing "chicken fillets" in her bra to boost her confidence. (Not actual pieces of chicken, it's little things you put in your bra to make them look bigger. Duh.)

But she never guessed they might save her life in May, 2009.

Picture from metro.co.uk

Pictured above with her current breast enhancement is Lisa herself.

She was driving in the rain in Glasgow, when her car collided head on with another car. The accident was so bad, Lisa had to be cut from the vehicle and taken to the hospital, where she was treated for a punctured lung, four broken ribs and a broken nose.

But due to the fact that she was "doubling up", wearing two of the fillets in each cup, the impact was cushioned enough to prevent her ribs from puncturing her heart.

If you click here, and scroll down, you can see what they looked like after the crash. Not good, spoiler alert.

Now, I don't like fillets, I think they're creepy, and what the inside of fake boobs look like, but if they save lives, I guess they aren't that bad. I tried a pair on one time, and I almost died laughing.

Good times.

Anyhow, look for more posts about something boob related saving lives!

It's a theme now!

(oYo)

Booblogger

The Tres Secret Inflatable Bra

No joke, I always thought something like this would be a good idea.

You want to be a C cup one day, a D the next, and DD after that?

Apparently women in the 50's had the same idea and used the Tres Secret inflatable bra to boost their assets.

Picture from thehollywoodheels.com

Now, my question is, why don't we have something like that now?

I mean, how hard can it be? They did it in the 50's, we can do it now!

Well, fashion is cyclical, so maybe it'll come back around?

But until then, we can only dream of inflatable bras.

(oYo)

Booblogger

Wearing the Right Size Bra

Myth:
Wearing the right size bra can make you look smaller/larger.
Reality:
NO.
Whoever said this, stop right now.

The only reason your boobs would look smaller is because you wouldn't be trying to shove them into tiny ass bras, making the look like a multiplying cells of breast tissue.
Because you would stop saying, oh, I'm not a D cup, I've never been a D cup, and I'll never be a D cup, even if radiation started making my breasts swell as large as my head!
WELL GUESS WHAT, DENYING DANA?
YOU'RE A D. THAT'S A CUP SIZE, AND YOU'RE IT.
AND 40? THAT'S A NUMBER. UNLESS YOU LIKE ROLLING HILLS OF BACK FAT, YOU NEED TO WEAR IT.
Theoretically, not all of you denying Dana's are D cups or 40 bands, but you're not wearing the right one.

And they would only look larger because the wouldn't fill your cup only halfway, leaving the top empty, and the cup wrinkly, and your boobs looking like they're drowning raisins.
If you're a B cup, guess what?
YOU'RE A B.
NOT A C, OR A D, OR A DD.
B.

All wearing the right size bra is going to do for you, is make your boobs look the way they're supposed to.
The way genetics and Mother Nature, and all those fun bits of your life intended them to look.
You want to look bigger?
BUY A PUSH UP BRA.
Want to look smaller?
BUY A MINIMIZER.

But whatever you want, STOP LYING.
Because, in the dark of the night, I will find you.
(Anastasia tie in, high five!)
And I will tie you up with measuring tapes, and suspend you over a burning pile of your old, ill fitting bras, and poke you with the burning hot metal bits of the bras until you see the grievous errors of your ways.

(OYO)
Rasputin
I mean
Booblogger

The Wine Rack, It Holds More Then Alcohol

You know those people who like to run on the mountains?
With the backpacks with tubes so they can drink from their water while they run, cause they're hardcore?
Well now they have one specifically for women. It's a sports bra that you can literally fill with alcohol.
Up to 25 ounces of alcohol.
Plus, it makes your boobs look bigger.
This magical product is called, if you will, "The Wine Rack".
BEST. PRODUCT. NAME. EVER. (Also, best product ever.)
And if you go to the bars, trying to seduce a man, you just pump your bra full of his favorite beverage, and let him drink from your bounty, so that he will become so intoxicated that he won't notice that your breasts are slowly deflating...
Plus, you can bring alcohol into all those places you aren't supposed to, like bars, church, your nephews birthday party...
This may be one of the best things I've ever seen in my whole life.
Thank you baby Jesus for inspiring someone to come up with this fabulous product, which I will soon purchase, and then go drunken running with.
Watch out y'all, now I really might knock someone out with my breasts, and that someone may be me, because I will be intoxicated.
Or you, because you will be in my way.


(OYO)
Booblogger

Push Up Bras, The Greatest Lie Ever Told By Your Average Woman

Recently, Victoria's Secret and many other bra makers have started making something even more extreme then a push up bra, to replace tissues and socks and silicone inserts.
Traditionally, a push up bra adds a cup size, making you seem bigger, but these new bras can add two, or even three, cup sizes.
My real question is, why?
Just.... why?
Isn't the point of showing off your boobs (edit: occasionally) to get someone in bed? And isn't part of getting someone in bed through that process... getting nekkid?
And letting them see your real boobs? Which will have magically shrunk?
The only good thing I can see in these new push up bras are you can literally let someone punch you in the boob, and you will be totally fine. Also, you could just run into an attacker, breasts first, and knock them out. One time at work, I dropped one on my head, and it gave me a headache.
Maybe it's just because I have large breasts, but I can't see why we would need to mislead perfectly nice strangers into thinking we have bigger boobs then we do. You can trick someone with one cup, but two or three?
Come on.
HAVE BOOBS.
YOUR BOOBS.
NOT BOOBS WITH FABRIC AND JUNK.

(Edit, due to below comment. This post is due to my frustration with women who purchase these kinds of bras for the wrong reasons. Women who choose to wear these bras to ensnare men, and then express confusion with the mans reaction and confusion, with me while they purchase more of these kinds of bras, make me feel rather frustrated. The boobs you have are wonderful, and I just wish everyone could see that. Thank you, anon, I forgot to make that clear to my readers. =) )

(OYO)
Booblogger rant over.

Small Boobs

To make this easier, I'm going to do some sterotyping.
Which by the way, typing with a stereo is not very easy.
On to the catergorizing!
For our purposes, we will define small boobs as: AA, A, and sometimes B.
A double is basically the smallest boobs possible are a AA, where the tape measure under the arms is the same as the bust measurement.
Small boobs are good because they have a natural lift and perkiness to them. Women with smaller breast are lucky because quite often, they can get away with not wearing a bra.
But the problem with small breasts is some women don't like them. Most women try to make their breasts look bigger by utilizing a push up bra.
95% of the push up bras you will find will be underwire, but there are a few non underwire bras with some push up tp them.
A small boob will generally sit quite high on the chest, and you'll notice that most small cupped bras have a cup that's mostly padding with just a little area at the top for the breast to rest in.
Generally the pdding is like rocks, so small breasted girls, these can double as a boost, and a self defense weapon. Versatile!
Often, small breasted girls have... uhm... active nipples.
Meaning, you're going to see their nipples. Even if it isn't cold.
So sometimes that's a little weird.

So to summarize:

Pros:
Less need of a bra
Bras are also weapons!

Cons:
Sometimes a confidence drain
Sometimes they have stabby nipples

Best bra option for up sizing:
Underwire maximum padded molded cup bra

Best bra option for support:
Underwire molded/unmolded

Best option between support and push up:
Underwire molded cup with medium push up.

That's all I can tell you girlies, but my breasts don't fit in this catergory, so I'm gonna work on getting a guest writer to add a part two later!

Booblogger out.
(OYO)