Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Tax Payers Are Paying For... Boob Jobs?

Oh my god, ok.
This is maybe the best story ever, especially since I just went through paying my taxes and all that and it turns out waitressing makes your taxes suck ass.
But I like to know my tax dollars are at work.
I try to use this excuse when I speed.
"No, officer, you don't understand. I saw you. But I also pay your salary. I was just making sure you were paying attention, so it's not going to waste. So I'll just go now."
Not as effective as you might think.
Unless you thought it would never work, in which case you're right. 
Anyhow, no more ranting about speeding tickets, on to the main event.


Josie Cunningham is a 22 year old telemarketer who has two kids, and wants to be a model.
Recently, she got two steps closer to her goal.
And by two steps, I mean two breast implants.
See what I did there?
Picture from
Anyhow, basically, she convinced her physician that her flat, 32A breats, were causing her emotional distress. That's her above with her new 36DD assets.

"I just got emotional when I was explaining to my GP that I felt I couldn't live a full life the way I was and he agreed to refer me for implant surgery. I could never go on holiday as I lived in terror of ever being seen in a bikini and could never set foot outside without a padded bra. The doctors said they'd never seen anything like it and believed me when I burst into tears and told them it was ruining my life." 

Apparently Cunningham was the first patient that had ever been seen with zero percent breast tissue. 
I have no idea how that happens.

"He said he'd have to give me 36DD implants costing £4,795 [$7260] just to achieve the appearance of a 36C - because there was literally nothing there in the first place."

Also, that makes no sense. If there's nothing there, why would the size be different once they were in?
Aspiring Model Scores State-Funded Boob Job After Convincing Doctor Her Flat Chest Was Causing Her 'Emotional Distress'
Before and after (Picture from

Her plan on how to give back to the taxpayers who funded her augmentation? Leave her two sons, five and two years old, at home and take the London clubs by storm.

"I've even started to collect Louis Vuitton handbags and have ordered a chihuahua puppy. The sky's the limit now I've got my new boobs."
Sooooo... Let me clarify.
You can't afford a boob job. But you can collect Louis Vuitton handbags, which are like, thousands of dollars ( I KNOW, BECAUSE I LOOKED) and a chihuahua puppy? Which, if you're buying Louis Vuitton, my guess is you're gonna get that purebred shit, which can be like a $1,000 easily (Looked that up too), not including food and the little Louis Vuitton poop bags.

Matthew Sinclair, Chief Executive of the TaxPayers' Alliance has said, "The NHS is there for people with serious medical needs, not as a means of helping wannabes who fancy a career in modelling. NHS bosses must not allow the system to be manipulated by people wanting cosmetic surgery merely to enhance their career prospects."

You can watch a video of her talking about all this here.

Haha, so awesome.
I think I'd almost rather have my tax dollars pay for boob jobs.
Except I kind of don't like them.
I wonder if Obama-care covers this kind of thing.


Holly Hagan, Flipping Implants

Remember all my posts about implants and how I don't really like them?
I mean, what with the exploding implants, not just once, but twice?
And the random leaking?
And all sort sof other ones?
Yeah, I think you remember now.
Anyhow, on to my point.

Holly Hagan from Geordie Shore (Jersey Shore knockoff? I don't know, if I wanted to watch orange people, I will watch Willy Wonka, thanks.) had her implants flip around.
Inside her boobs.


Picture from

This is Holly by the way, looking relatively cheering, considering just a short while ago she was quoted as saying, "My nipples were pointing to the floor. I had the boobs of a 90-year-old woman – I’ve seen grannies with better boobs than I had!"

Uhm, one.

Why are you checking out old lady boobs?
I call fetish.

Apparently the implants moved around because she lost weight, which I didn't know really happened, but apparently it does.
Here's a quote about what that was like. (NOT FOR THE WEAK STOMACHED WITH A GOOD VISUAL IMAGINATION)

"I remember being in the shower and because there was so much saggy skin the implant could move around. It was flipping inside of me and turned back to front. It was scary. I was like: ‘What the hell’s happened? I eventually managed to flip the implant back round by myself, but I was too scared to touch them or do anything. I was petrified."

That's freaking terrifying.
So I hope I've talked someone out of a boob job, other then my roommate. 
Your boobs are wonderful, and if you think they look like old lady boobs, ditching your bra SUPPOSEDLY helps.
I'm still skeptical.


Thursday, April 11, 2013

Best Tumblr Ever?

When I looked up pictures of "girls holding their boobs", which, don't question my life choices, you don't know me, I found what may be the best blog ever.
Only potential competition I can find is Food and Boobs, which I love dearly, and was featured on once. (And mine. Duh.)

The tumblr is called...

It's beautiful.
Truly beautiful.
And now I have a whole new way to waste time while enjoying pictures of girls holding their boobs.
Best search engine choice ever.
Picture from


Bras Make Your Boobs Sag

Today, French scientists announced that women who wear bras actually have saggier breasts than women who don't.

These are apparently the results of a fifteen year study done by Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, from the University of Besancon who says “Medically, physiologically, anatomically – breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity. On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra”. 

Picture from

Shut your big fat negative (french) wordsy mouth. (No offense France. Also, Archer reference.)

Because that means that my whole life has been a lie, and it's too late.

Professor Rouillon has spent 15 years measuring the changes in the orientation of the breasts of 130 women with a slide rule and caliper at the University Hospital in Besancon. 

A 28 year old participant named Capucine hasn't worn a bra for two years and says:“There are multiple benefits: I breathe more easily, I carry myself better, and I have less back pain.”

I have no words.
My whole life, my passion is...

I need some time to think this over.