The Tax Payers Are Paying For... Boob Jobs?

Oh my god, ok.
This is maybe the best story ever, especially since I just went through paying my taxes and all that and it turns out waitressing makes your taxes suck ass.
But I like to know my tax dollars are at work.
I try to use this excuse when I speed.
"No, officer, you don't understand. I saw you. But I also pay your salary. I was just making sure you were paying attention, so it's not going to waste. So I'll just go now."
Not as effective as you might think.
Unless you thought it would never work, in which case you're right. 
Anyhow, no more ranting about speeding tickets, on to the main event.

SOME GIRL IN BRITAIN GOT TAXPAYERS TO PAY FOR HER BOOB JOB.

Josie Cunningham is a 22 year old telemarketer who has two kids, and wants to be a model.
Recently, she got two steps closer to her goal.
And by two steps, I mean two breast implants.
See what I did there?
No?
Whatever.

Picture from gawker.com

Anyhow, basically, she convinced her physician that her flat, 32A breats, were causing her emotional distress. That's her above with her new 36DD assets.

"I just got emotional when I was explaining to my GP that I felt I couldn't live a full life the way I was and he agreed to refer me for implant surgery. I could never go on holiday as I lived in terror of ever being seen in a bikini and could never set foot outside without a padded bra. The doctors said they'd never seen anything like it and believed me when I burst into tears and told them it was ruining my life." 

Apparently Cunningham was the first patient that had ever been seen with zero percent breast tissue. 
I have no idea how that happens.

"He said he'd have to give me 36DD implants costing £4,795 [$7260] just to achieve the appearance of a 36C - because there was literally nothing there in the first place."

Also, that makes no sense. If there's nothing there, why would the size be different once they were in?

Before and after (Picture from gawker.com)

Her plan on how to give back to the taxpayers who funded her augmentation? Leave her two sons, five and two years old, at home and take the London clubs by storm.

"I've even started to collect Louis Vuitton handbags and have ordered a chihuahua puppy. The sky's the limit now I've got my new boobs."
 .
Sooooo... Let me clarify.
You can't afford a boob job. But you can collect Louis Vuitton handbags, which are like, thousands of dollars ( I KNOW, BECAUSE I LOOKED) and a chihuahua puppy? Which, if you're buying Louis Vuitton, my guess is you're gonna get that purebred shit, which can be like a $1,000 easily (Looked that up too), not including food and the little Louis Vuitton poop bags.
Yes.
Logic.
Good.

Matthew Sinclair, Chief Executive of the TaxPayers' Alliance has said, "The NHS is there for people with serious medical needs, not as a means of helping wannabes who fancy a career in modelling. NHS bosses must not allow the system to be manipulated by people wanting cosmetic surgery merely to enhance their career prospects."

You can watch a video of her talking about all this here.

Haha, so awesome.
I think I'd almost rather have my tax dollars pay for boob jobs.
Except I kind of don't like them.
I wonder if Obama-care covers this kind of thing.

(oYo)
Booblogger

Holly Hagan, Flipping Implants

Remember all my posts about implants and how I don't really like them?
I mean, what with the exploding implants, not just once, but twice?
And the random leaking?
And all sort sof other ones?
Yeah, I think you remember now.
Anyhow, on to my point.

Holly Hagan from Geordie Shore (Jersey Shore knockoff? I don't know, if I wanted to watch orange people, I will watch Willy Wonka, thanks.) had her implants flip around.
Inside her boobs.

FOR NO REASON.

Picture from uk.omg.yahoo.com

This is Holly by the way, looking relatively cheering, considering just a short while ago she was quoted as saying, "My nipples were pointing to the floor. I had the boobs of a 90-year-old woman – I’ve seen grannies with better boobs than I had!"

Uhm, one.
Gross.
Two.
Why are you checking out old lady boobs?
I call fetish.

Apparently the implants moved around because she lost weight, which I didn't know really happened, but apparently it does.
Here's a quote about what that was like. (NOT FOR THE WEAK STOMACHED WITH A GOOD VISUAL IMAGINATION)

"I remember being in the shower and because there was so much saggy skin the implant could move around. It was flipping inside of me and turned back to front. It was scary. I was like: ‘What the hell’s happened? I eventually managed to flip the implant back round by myself, but I was too scared to touch them or do anything. I was petrified."

DAMN STRAIGHT.

That's freaking terrifying.

 

So I hope I've talked someone out of a boob job, other then my roommate. 

Your boobs are wonderful, and if you think they look like old lady boobs, ditching your bra SUPPOSEDLY helps.

I'm still skeptical.

(oYo)

Booblogger

Another Boobs Exploding Story

Hey, anyone else noticing a trend?

Like how implants explode and try to kill people?

I mean, there was the one story about the lady saved from getting stabbed by her husband by her implants, but that's apparently not common. It's much easier to find stories about the implants exploding or trying to murder people.

So if you're considering a boob job, you should read all these posts first, and consider the risks.

Picture from www.digitalspy.com

Anyways, British model Danielle Lloyd had a mishap with her implants recently. Specifically, they swelled up to the size of her head and then exploded.

She lost a liter of blood, so like, over a quart of blood from this. They discovered blood clots during the removal surgery, potentially saving her life.

And then, and then! IT HAPPENED AGAIN TWO DAYS LATER.

"I looked like I had giant implants," she said. "I felt as though my breast exploded and this time it happened a lot faster than before.

"My left breast went down to literally nothing. It was just an empty sack while the right one was huge."

Yeah, how you feel about implants now?

Really good?

FALSE, YOU'RE AFRAID, LIKE YOU SHOULD BE.

Anyways, she stated that her marriage was going to happen, "With or without boobs."

Have to admire her persistence.

BOOB JOBS CAN KILL YOU.

(oYo)

Booblogger

Woman Saved From Death By...Implants?

You all know I'm not super pro breast implants, especially after hearing about how they can apparently start leaking for no reason, or explode if someone shoots them with a paintball gun.

But if these things are gonna save lives, that's another story.

You all remember my posts about the weird bulletproof bras, and the under wire that saved a woman's life, and even the emergency bra, and I never thought a day would come when I would add implants to the list of potential life saving devices.

But today, is that day.

Apparently some woman in Moscow was stabbed by her husband, and if her silicone implants hadn't stopped the knife, she could have died.

Funny note here, her husband had requested she get the boob job five years ago.

Anyhow, the implants were larger enough to stop the knife, and have her walk away basically injury free. She's already had the implant replaced. 

What a trooper.

I'm not saying you should all go get implants, in case your husband decides to stab you, and if you already have them, don't go start fights with strangers to see if this works.

I think you should all just buy bra holsters, and be safe.

(oYo)

Booblogger

Sharon Osbourne, She Had Leaking Implants.

Remember my post on how that girl in London got shot with a paintball, and her implant exploded?

Well, apparently something similar happened to Sharon Osbourne, but without the paintball.

Sharon reports that one morning she woke up and found one of her breasts to be different from the other.

After seeing a doctor, it was discovered that her implant had leaked. Some of the silicone from the implant had even gotten into her stomach wall, which, as you might guess, isn't super great health wise. 

Picture from celebritygoss.com.au

She has now had both implants removed, and says she is happy to be all natural again, and will apparently not miss the feeling of waterbeds floating on her chest.

Maybe she should have taken out some breast insurance to cover the costs.

As long as she's happy!

(oYo)

Booblogger

London Woman Gets Shot With Paintball, Implant Explodes

Picture from riotousassembly.wordpress.com

But apparently, not for girls with implants!

Apparently some 26 year old girl was playing paintball and got hit in the chest at about 190 mph with a paintball pellet, and felt more pain then usual.

Originally, she thought it had just bruised her really badly, but when she got around to seeing a doctor a few days later, he let her know that the impact had actually torn her soft gel implant.
My question is, wouldn't the gel like, leak? And wouldn't you notice that?

"Oh, my boob is oddly shaped, and kind of feels like a weird bag of runny jello."

Anyways, enough on that. Apparently the Paintzone Paintball Park, where this young lady was shot, will be offering extra chest padding in the future. All you have to do is call ahead of time, be like, "I have fake boobs that I don't want exploding", give them your bra size and they'll have something all ready for you when you come in.

How nice of them.

The estimated cost of damage for the exploded implant was quoted at around £3,000, which is just under $5,000 dollars.

Douglas McGeorge, the former president of the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons said: "This is very, very unusual and this woman was very unlucky. I imagine she was quite slim because the paintball would have had to pierce the skin to rupture the implant. I have heard some odd stories over the years but this is one of the strangest."
Strange indeed Douglas McGeorge, strange indeed.

Also, probably incredibly painful.

Just...
Ow.

Also, I wonder if maybe she'd had one of those crazy German bullet proof bras, maybe she would have been fine?

(oYo)
Booblogger