Friday, September 30, 2011


One year ago today, at this very same time, I wrote my very first post for this blog.
I promised posts on cupcakes, dinosaurs, barracudas, and Chuck Norris.
Some of the more observant of my readers will note that nothing has been written on those topics.
I have however written some thrilling posts on the iLoo, Microsoft's biggest disaster, and one on the Nobel Peace Prize origin.
I've even had a guest post on why Boob is the Breast Word Out There.

I've done posts for Bacon Friday unreligiously, I've even had a couple 1,000 Ways to Die posts.

My point?
Is a nipple.

Just kidding.
My point is, I want to thank all of you for reading, and for all your support! You guys at the band in the big bra of my life.

Keep reading! It can only get better from here.


Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Tae Bo, The Building Shaking Workout

I haven't done a random post in a while, so here's one for you.

I'm currently taking a class on Earthquakes, and we've been taking about what they do for buildings so they don't fall on people when the Earth decides to throw shit around.

One of the strategies involves complex counter weight systems at the top of buildings that work against the buildings natural vibrations, so it resists shaking in the event of an earthquake.

(Listen to me, with all the science and shit. I used to be an Architecture major, so suck it.)

Anyhow, a few years ago, a bunch of "middle aged" people in Seoul, Korea were working out with awesome Tae Bo moves to this lovely song, which I do have to admit, is pretty awesome.

And the vibrations caused by their movements actually matched the vibrations of the building, basically increasing the tremors, and forcing the whole building to evacuate.

Oh, by the way, the building was a 39 story skyscraper. 
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So, mildly terrifying, but also pretty awesome.

Anyhow, that's my random post for probably this month, so just keep reading it until I come up with another one.

Go forth, and make it... Rain.
Pieces of buildings.
Well, actually don't. That shit is dangerous.


Sunday, September 25, 2011

Bad News Bears

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 And no, not the movie about the kids who play baseball or whatever.

The bad news is...
I think my boobs are shrinking.

I've recently lost a good bit of weight, almost 18 pounds, and my band size is just hovering above a 36.
Now, I used to measure, spot on, a 38 band, and a 43 bust.
For those of you who don't know math, that is a five inch difference, making me a DD.

Now I measure more of a 36 band, 41 1/2 bust.
Technically, that makes me a 36 DDD/36 G, meaning my cup technically went up, but the point is, my bust measurement has gone down.

Don't panic, I only have about 21 more pounds to go.

So hopefully we won't see to much more loss, but I have to say, I wouldn't mind being a 36 D.
That's like, the perfect size in my mind.
I'll keep you all updated!


Thursday, September 22, 2011

Radio Silence

Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in a few days.
In case anyone is wondering, I took on a second job, and I go to school for just about 18 credit hours, so you might say I'm a little busy.
I'll try to get back on the blogging train, but for now, enjoy this picture of a boob ninja.
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Monday, September 19, 2011

Hey, Let Me Slap You In The Boobs, They'll Get Bigger

One of the only techniques I've really heard of for improving breast shape/size involves groping yourself to stimulate breast growth.

But beautician Khemmikka Na Songkhla in Bangkok has a different strategy.

She will, for a fee, slap you in the breasts, buttocks, or face, to tone your face and butt, and increase cup size. This is government approved, by the way.

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She also says that she will refuse to help woman whose breasts are "too small to be enlarged".

If you click here, you can watch a video of the beautician in action, slapping a variety of Asian woman, sometimes in time to dance music.

Also, this is an "ancient art", but it hasn't been practiced much because "back then people didn't care about breast size." Fairly certain that is false.
Also, she is taking on students because she is currently the only one in the world with this knowledge, and she wants to pass this ancient art of slapping on to new generations, for a lot of money.


But, I can tell you that I will slap you in the face/butt/breasts for much less then she will.
I haven't studied the ancient art of slapping for very long, but I have faith that I can catch on pretty fast.



Maggie Q, She Burnt Her Boobs

Maggie Q is one of the assassins on Nikita, who also happens to be pretty hot.

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And, since she is playing an assassin, she shoots a lot of guns.
Prop guns mind you, but that stuff can be dangerous.

Quote, "I was filming a scene for Nikita a few days ago where I was shooting a gun. The bullets shot out to the right and one went into my bra, and I got boob burns."

She found the silver lining to the burn saying, "My boobs were so swollen I went up a cup size - not bad!"

This has got to be the most painful way to go up a cup size.
Please don't go shooting yourself in the boobs with prop guns to try and make your boobs bigger. There has to be some kind of health risk there.


Friday, September 16, 2011

Canadian Woman Protests Censorship with Nakedness

Michelle Spero thinks the human body is gorgeous.

And she thinks the Ottawa Sun, a paper in Canada, doesn't feel quite the same.
So she took a stand.

A stand that occured while she was topless, in the Ottawa Sun's parking lot, while waving several copies of that paper that promoted the censorship or woman's nipples.
Picture from

She also had a pull-out section from one of the copies where the woman's nipples had been censored, featuring a topless man, in his full nipply glory. 

She also sent the writer of a Sun column, who referred to breasts as "bazongas", an angry message, most likely about his choice of words.

Spero says, "I thought the Sun was about news, but this is incredibly offensive." 

She also made her stance on toplessness even more clear by stating, "My bathing suit this summer consisted of a bottom, but no top."

She is a certifiable topless badass.

Temperature Equalizing Bras, Now Your Boobs Can Be All One Temperature

Remember how I posted about the nifty boob coolers?

The ones you just pop right on into your bra for instant temperature relief?

Well, the brand Amoena Mia, has another solution.
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They recently debuted their Comfort+ technology, which is basically a fabric called Outlast®, which is "densely saturated with micro capsules that regulate and balance fluctuations in body temperature."

 I think that's pretty awesome, especially with Winter on the fast track towards us. I hate when my boobs get cold, so I may have to actually get one of these to keep them warm. Or just regulated, I guess.

You can read more about the technology here.
Go forth and be regular.


Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Boobs of Kahn, Star Trek Gone Sexy

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Star Trek is awesome.
Like, one of the better things I've seen.
And this just adds boobs into Star Trek, and makes them more naked.

This is a Star Trek burlesque show.
If you're in Chicago, this showed at the Gorilla Tango Theater on the 9th.
If you missed it, I'm sorry. But you should go and demand they do it again.
For forever.

Anyone with video, please send me a copy.
I need to see this.


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

No Topless Sun Bathing in New Jersey

I do not like New Jersey.
I just don't.
People try to run me off the road there, they yell on the street corners, and Jersey Shore.
Need I say more?

I have one more offense to add to the list, and it is that a woman named Phoenix Feeley, whose real name is Jill Coccaro, was arrested, and charged because she refused to tan with her top on.
Feeley knew this was wrong, and appealed the charges, but was still found guilty.

Quote: "Judges argued there was no constitutional right for women to appear topless at a public beach, and that covering the female breast is important to safeguard 'the public's moral sensibilities.'" 

You know what New Jersey needs to cover to safeguard the public's moral sensibilities?

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How can you stop attractive young ladies not bare their breasts, and still let that run around?
How is that justice?
New Jersey ladies, go to New York and join a book club.

Don't let them oppress you!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Dolly Parton, She Can Rap. About Boobs.

Remember my post about the child dressed as Dolly parton for Toddlers and Tiaras?
It sparked a little more research on the singer, and this what I found.

Dolly Parton recently rapped at one of her concerts.
About her breasts.
And Queen Latifah.

I have no words.

Seriously, none.


Victoria Secret, People Are Stealing From You

Apparently Victoria's Secret is that she overprices bras, make them about half a size smaller then they actually are, and have super bad security.
Most Victoria Secret stores are manned by a small swarm of pretty, skinny, trendy young girls.
But what they really need is a security guy.

Recently, in two separate events, both within a week of each other, a total of over 150 bras were stolen from two different Victoria Secret's. Both thefts were done by a male-female team.

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That's just between the two heists, and that's not counting the small time crime.
Come on girls, step it up!
Take up weight lifting or something.

Anyhow, between the two thefts, the total of lost merchandise, which is still at large comes to over $7,000.

That's just crazy.
Guys. Don't steal bras. 
Just don't do it.


Monday, September 12, 2011

Book Clubs, Now With More Toplessness

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Sorry, Tina Fey is just super hot.

Anyhow, a group of women from New York have started a public, topless, reading club.
The Outdoor Co-ed Topless Pulp Fiction Appreciation Society has range of members, with girls as young as 19, and as old as 42.

Alethea Andrews, spokesperson for the topless readers explained: "Guys lie around topless in the park all the time, while the girls around them are sweating in bras and shirts. That's just silly when the law says we can go topless the same as they can. The group's overall aim is for girls who want to take advantage of the legality of being topless in New York to be able to, while reading books."

She also went on to explain the general consensus from the public has been positive.
Uhm, duh?

"We thought we might have been told off, but it hasn't happened once, and the general reaction from the public has been positive. There have been a few nasty comments, but in person it's all been thumbs-ups and big smiles."

I would totally thumbs up a bunch of topless lady readers and/or join them.
Education and boobs.
What more could you need?



Lollipop Chainsaw, Boobs Versus Zombies

I don't do many posts on games, but this is going to have be an exception.

For those of you who know me in real life, I love zombies.
I am totally prepared for the Apocalypse, and I have already stocked up on tactical bacon.
And this game combines zombies as well as boobs.
More specifically, cheerleader boobs.

Juliet Starling is a cheerleader who basically uses her awesome cheerleading moves to kick some serious zombie ass.
Picture from
It's basically one of the best games ever. Gratuitous boob and butt shots, plus zombies getting their asses kicked. Not to mention, Juliet has got a mouth of her. Video is NSFW.

It may not be suitable for work, but it certainly is awesome.


Friday, September 9, 2011

The Tres Secret Inflatable Bra

No joke, I always thought something like this would be a good idea.
You want to be a C cup one day, a D the next, and DD after that?
Apparently women in the 50's had the same idea and used the Tres Secret inflatable bra to boost their assets.

Picture from

Now, my question is, why don't we have something like that now?
I mean, how hard can it be? They did it in the 50's, we can do it now!
Well, fashion is cyclical, so maybe it'll come back around?
But until then, we can only dream of inflatable bras.


Ever Wanted to Watch Some Guy Grope 1,000 Girls?

Well, here is your chance.
The story behind this is pretty much hilarious.

You've all heard of Vladimir Putin, right? He's like the president of Russia and stuff.
Anyways, one loyal citizen named Sam Nickel decided the President hadn't touched enough young gorgeous breasts, being married and all.
So Sam decided it was his duty as a loyal citizen to touch 1,000 ladies breasts, and then shake Putin's hand.
As put it, "Just so Putin could say he felt the hand of two thousand boobs."

That is a win, my friend.
And all the ladies agreed! 
The video is below, watch it and laugh.
(Also, at around 3:00, there is a spider man in the background)

That is loyalty at it's finest.
Also, best video I've ever watched.
I need someone to do this for me, so get on that!


Jessica Simpson Denies Reduction Rumor!

Remember the post about how Jessica Simpson might be getting a reduction before getting married?
Yeah, I do too. It was some of the saddest news I had heard all day. 
But no fear!
The star has recently set everyone straight via Twitter.

"Been getting lots of questions about this alleged breast reduction... not to worry... I LOVE MY BOOBIES!! They aren't going anywhere!"
Picture from
That has made my life so much better today.
Jessica, you can find a dress to get married in, and still keep your boobs. You're setting an example for busty girls everywhere.
Live long, and prosper.


Kendra Wilkinson, She Would Eat Breast Milk Ice Cream

Not gonna lie, I don't really know who Kendra Wilkinson is.
And all Google can tell me is she wants to bite Beyonce's butt, she apparently used to date Hugh Hefner, and she's drank her own breast milk before.

Wait, what?
Yes folks, you read that right. Apparently when she went to her first party after giving birth to her son, she started to leak. This is rather normal for women who have recently had babies, but what is not normal is breastfeeding yourself.

"My first party after giving birth to Hank, I went to Eve nightclub in Vegas and my boobs started leaking. I couldn't do anything so I breastfed myself. And it tasted sweet, too!"

Maybe she should visit London and get some lovely breast milk ice cream.

Picture from

I just can't help but find it a little weird.
I guess she's already had it once before in her life anyways, right?


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Toddlers and Tiaras, Now With More Fake Boobs

I LOVE Toddlers and Tiaras.
Believe me, it's not a choice. I don't want to love it. But I do.
It's such a fabulous demonstration of some of the worlds most batshit parents, and the absolute wreckage that occurs with most beauty show pageants.
But this....

This crosses the line.
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This is four year old Maddy Jackson, dressed as Dolly Parton, and sporting the same assets.
The child is literally wearing boob, and butt, pads.
Now, Toddlers and Tiaras has never been the most... I don't know, natural show.
Parents smear their children with fake tan lotion, give them false eyelashes, hair extensions, anything and everything to put their child on top.
But this is just...


Maddy's mother and grandmother support the use of the extra padding, claiming any of the prize money will go towards he education.
Yeah, because lots of pageant queens go on to college.
I mean, some do, but seriously guys? Come on. You're a GRANDMA for gods sake. My grandma would have whooped my ass. Except it would have been hard through all the padding.

Maddy's mother said on the Today show that, "When she wears the fake boobs and the fake butt, it's just like extra bonus."

Extra bonus of what? Child molesters following your child's pageant career?
You need some help lady.

But the judges gave Maddy's who good scores, saying she "looked the part" and that it was "cute".
She won prizes for Best Hair, as well as Most Photogenic.

What is the world coming to?


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

NSFW: Boobpedia, My New Favorite Place

I love Wikipedia. It is a quality site, full of totally, unquestionably reliable information.
But you know what it  lacks?
High quality, in depth information on your favorite celebrities, models, and even adult film stars breasts.
And that, my friends, is where Boobpedia fills in the void.
It is truly one of the most magical sites I have found in my history of internet use, and I am in love with it.
I spent over two hours perusing the site, and I can assure you, it is a worthwhile bookmark.

Thank you Boobpedia, for your magical, amazing knowledge, which I hope to not only learn from, but to add to.

Thank you.


Monday, September 5, 2011

Jessica Simpson to Postpone Wedding Because of Breasts?

So you all remember the post about Britney getting her boobs adjusted?
Apparently Jessica Simpson has decided she's tired of her boobs, and is potentially, according to In Touch,  going to have surgery, setting her wedding plans back.

Why, Jessica, why?
We're bosom buddies!

Picture from
"She thinks if she downsizes her breasts, she will look smaller, she's never loved having a huge chest. If some weight doesn't come off soon, she might call off the wedding or get surgery. If she does postpone, breast reduction is first on her to-do list."
Uhm. Why? I mean, Jessica Simpson is gorgeous. And her boobs are part of that! But I guess I can get the smaller breasts, easier to fit into a dress thing. But can't she afford to get one done custom?

What I really wanna know is how her soon to be husband feels about the whole thing.

Oh, celebrity surgery. Nonsense.


Friday, September 2, 2011

My 100th Post!

I’m too lazy to think of something awesome to write about for my 100th post, so here’s a list of my top ten favorite posts for your reading pleasure:

1. Hitler, Now With More Breast Tissue
This one is probably my number one post, if anything just because I love history and breasts, and I can’t even imagine how awesome that would have been. Just saying.

This is literally my most view post, and that’s because it is funny and sad, and has to do with breasts. What more could you ask for?

3. The Wine Rack, It Holds More Then Alcohol
I love this product, and I want it. Because who doesn’t want a sports bra that provides a push up. With ALCOHOL.

4. Reviews of the Miley… Well, You Know
Hahahahaha, I still laugh when I read these. Such quality product reviews. Makes me want to buy one for myself.

5. Boobs Crushing Cans?
I like this one if anything just for the video. The sound effects are truly fabulous.

6. If You Got ‘Em, Shake ‘Em
Those wacky Asians. Another truly, shakingly fabulous product.
The video on this is actually solid gold. The commercial sounds more like a promotion for children's snacks, and that makes it even better.

8. Disneyland: Now it’s REALLY the Happiest Place on Earth
I wrote this one after my trip to Disneyland, and now I wish I had thought to flash the camera. My dad would have been proud.

9. 1000 Ways to Die: Zapped Rack
I love all of my 1000 Ways to Die posts, and this one just makes me worried about the future. What if metal bras become a thing? We’re all doomed.

10. NSFW: Most Bras Taken Off and Put On In One Minute
Uhm, duh?

Read them. Love them. And read on!

Thanks for all the support guys!

Dear Walgreens Lady, I Don't Want to See Your Boobs

You know how people who are doctors don't tell people that they're doctors, because of the fact that people then start showing them the gross weird scabby bits they have that need looking after?
Apparently, as a bra fit specialist, I get the same deal, but with breasts.
Sadly, this is not as exciting as one might imagine. 

I was at Walgreens a few days ago with a friend of mine before we went to dinner. While perusing the aisles, I found they sell the Ah bra. I have been debating getting one so I can stop making allegations about it and find out the truth, but I didn't feel like getting one then, and promptly started ranting about it instead.
And this lady just comes a wandering over after eyeballing me and listening to me rant about it, and starts talking.
Not to me mind you, but kind of to the bras.
"Oh, what's this? The Ah bra.... Ohhhhh.... Hmmmm." And she's looking at me out of the corner of her eye as she reaches for one, and it took all the self control I have not to slap it out of her hands and scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and then shake some sense into her.

But, luckily I am a master of self control, and I very calmly stated my profession and my personal beliefs as to why such a product would be ultimately unhelpful.
And she starts just telling me about how she used to have these great breasts out to here and she lost weight and now, "they're like thin flabby pancakes of skin that just hang down" while kind of shaking them towards me.

Now look folks.
I am a bra fit specialist. I see boobs everyday, and I'm used to it.
But that's at work. We are in public, and I am in no way getting paid to look at your flabby pancake breasts.
Sorry, but that's just how it goes.
So please, try to refrain from filling my mind with terrifying mental images of pancake breasts and old ladies.
I'd really appreciate it.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Britney and Lady Gaga, Gettin' it on at the VMA's!

So, a good bit of my posts has been on celebrities lately, and that's fine, and generally they've had something to do with their breasts.
Like, Lady Gaga, taking her bra off to promote the VMA's.
Britney's potential breast leveling surgery.

But this one doesn't have much to do with breasts, but a lot to do with both of the aforementioned ladies, one of which was dressed in drag at the time of the incident.
Raise your hand if you remember when Britney and Madonna made out.

Cause I know I do. And apparently, I'm not the only one. When Britney went on stage to receive the Michael Jackson Vanguard Award from Jo Calderone (Lady Gaga's male alter ego from You & I), Jo started putting the moves on Britney.

Yes folks, if you didn't see it with your own eyes, Britney is making out with other female celebrities again.

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Britney seems pretty surprised, and a little freaked out by the whole thing, and Jo just keeps creepin' on her. Oh, Hollywood. How I love you.

Anyhow, you can click here to see the video because I can't find it on youtube. It's worth watching.