Thursday, January 19, 2012

Woman Saved From Deathly Car Crash by, You Guessed it, Boobs.

I'm on a roll her people!
I think this might be the theme for January, "Woman who've had their lives saved in one way or another by bras or boobs."
Anyhow, on to the story.

Lisa Somerville had always been flat chested.

And at 28, she had taken to wearing "chicken fillets" in her bra to boost her confidence. (Not actual pieces of chicken, it's little things you put in your bra to make them look bigger. Duh.)
But she never guessed they might save her life in May, 2009.
Picture from metro.co.uk
Pictured above with her current breast enhancement is Lisa herself.

She was driving in the rain in Glasgow, when her car collided head on with another car. The accident was so bad, Lisa had to be cut from the vehicle and taken to the hospital, where she was treated for a punctured lung, four broken ribs and a broken nose.

But due to the fact that she was "doubling up", wearing two of the fillets in each cup, the impact was cushioned enough to prevent her ribs from puncturing her heart.

If you click here, and scroll down, you can see what they looked like after the crash. Not good, spoiler alert.

Now, I don't like fillets, I think they're creepy, and what the inside of fake boobs look like, but if they save lives, I guess they aren't that bad. I tried a pair on one time, and I almost died laughing.

Good times.
Anyhow, look for more posts about something boob related saving lives!

It's a theme now!

(oYo)
Booblogger

Another Woman Saved From Certain Death by Bras.

Remember the lady who was saved from getting stabbed by her husband and probably dying because of her implants? I mean, she still got stabbed, but she's alive, and that's pretty awesome.
If she had boob insurance, that whole thing probably would have gone over a lot better.

And the lady who got shot and probably would have died, but then didn't because her bra was like, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS. (BULLET.)"

Well, yet another lady has been saved from the danger that's all around us by her bra.

In August 2008, a 26 year old barmaid, Vicky Parsons, was on break in her car with the window down when two hooligans with bandanas tried to rob her. One of these douchebags had a knife, and Vicky received a cut on her hand fending them away.

While she was struggling, the kid tried to stab her, and while the blade did puncture her skin, the majority of the damage was received by the underwire of her bra catching the serrated knife's blade.

The kids ran off, and Vicky flagged down a car, and the kids (14 YEARS OLD) were caught, red handed. Knife handed?
I don't know. They caught them.

Freakin' kids, running around the UK with knives, threatening barmaids. 
Douchebags.

Anyhow, she's totally fine, she was really excited her £6 Asda bra, which is like a cheap supermarket bra (only like 9 bucks American money) saved her freaking life. I'd be excited too.

UNDERWIRE SAVES LIVES. 
I KEEP TRYING TO TELL YOU ALL THIS.

(oYo)
Booblogger

Ahh Bra, Launching in the UK

We all know how I feel about the Genie Bra, or the Ahh bra.

And if you don't, here's a picture to sum it up.
Picture from oldpeopleinhats.wordpress.com
Soooo yeah.
Anyhow, it had a pretty good debut in the UK, but why the UK needs them, I don't know.
They make some fabulous lingerie there.
They don't need this nonsense.

WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU PEOPLE?

Reviews give it an average of three stars across the board.

The Miley Cyrus sex doll has the same amount of stars, and we all know how good that is.
The reviews are equally hilarious though.

1.0 out of 5 stars SAGGY & Sweaty/Hot, September 14, 2011
By 
This review is from: Ahh Bra (Apparel)
Wow - these must be designed for smaller busted women. Might as well carry 2 melons around in a pair of support-hose. THAT is how much support the Ahh bra offered me. Maybe support-hose would offer more support than the Ahh Bra did. Also it's hot, no moisture wicking, I sweat in it. Wanted to love it, or even like it, wanted it to live up to it's claims. Bought my mother one & she also mentioned they made her sweat. Unable to recommend this as a product that lives up to it's claims for anyone that's bigger busted. 

Why, that is how I carry my melons, thanks!

Even the five star review said it was only comfortable, but not very supportive.

I like this one though:
1.0 out of 5 stars terrible..., January 2, 2012
This review is from: Ahh Bra (Apparel)
might as well wear a rubber band. awful thing to wrestle into and try to wear. ahhh no! it's more of a torture device than a bra. i was hoping this would replace an underwire but it just squashes and mushes your boobs into your body.

I'm gonna pass on the rubber band idea.

Only one person can pull that off.
Picture from mainstreammemoribilia.com
 So good luck with that, everyone in the UK.
I look forward to your amusingly worded reviews of how awful this bra is.

(oYo)
Booblogger

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

SOPA and PIPA

Awh, what cute names for something ABSOLUTELY AWFUL.

What it boils down to is the government wants to censor the internet.
You know who does that? China.
And I love China, but that's just not right.

And it also means that there's a good chance that if it passes, my blog?

SHUT DOWN.
FOREVER.

So click here.
Do your part, no matter how little.
Imagine how awful life would be without my blog, or wikipedia, or youtube.

THE HORROR.

From theoatmeal.com, because that guy rocks.

(oYo)
Booblogger

Haha, Silly Girls. I Will End You.

Today was rough. We decided to completely change the layout of the lingerie area, and everything was like, "I don't want to go there, so I'm gonna break and throw bras all over the floor" and everyone was like, "Oh snap, bras on the floor, what should we do about that?"

Answer?

PICK THEM UP. DON'T JUST LOOK AT THEM CONFUSEDLY.
THAT HELPS NO ONE.

But yeah, anyways. Everyone and everything was like, being insane.
So when a bunch of prostitots showed up, (YES, I SAID PROSTITOTS. LIKE BABY PROSTITUTES, LIKE BROOKE SHIELDS IN "PRETTY BABY") and they were all like, "OH MY GOD, DID YOU KNOW MY BOOBS ARE LIKE, A 36 D? OH MY GOD, ISN'T THAT AWESOME, THEY'RE SO BIG." I was like, NO SHUT UP.

So I looked over, and this girl was seriously a B cup at most.
And she was wearing a push up bra.
Don't try to lie to me, I know my stuff.

So that gave me a good laugh in the midst of all the craziness.

(oYo)
Booblogger

Legos Have Boobs Now, How Does That Make You Feel?

Recently, LEGO has started a new set called the "Friend" set, which is composed of five female LEGO figures which have, you guessed it, boobs.

Picture from gothamist.com
It's hard to tell from the picture, but they aren't terribly busty, they have smaller boobs than Bratz dolls. They do have settings like salons, and doggie daycares though.

On that note, I don't have any friends who frequent doggie daycares.

Mostly, people are upset because LEGOs used to be less gender indicative, more about imagination than gender roles.

But LEGO isn't like, forcing you to buy gender indicative LEGOs.
You don't like, it don't buy it for your kid! But if they want it, I don't see anything wrong with that.

anyhow. 
LEGOs have boobs now.
End of story.

(oYo)
Booblogger

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

A Short Story About How My Christmas Was More Awesome Than Yours

Here's to hoping everyone had a great holiday season and New Year!

So, I have this friend, and she's basically awesome.
She's gorgeous and Asian, and just basically cooler than some (most/all) of your friends.
(No offense, it's just how it is.)

Anyways, she likes my blog, and knows how much I like boobs, so she basically gave me the awesomest asssortment of presents ever.

Think...
Hello kitty meets drinking meets boobs.
(New Year's theme anyone?)

I got:
A snazzy Hello Kitty key cover
Two, count 'em, two Hello Titty shot glasses
A box of gummy boobies, which were basically pretty yummy
A booby fishing lure
A drinking dice game
A drinking card game 

And here's a picture, in case you have a hard time imagining such awesomeness.



I love her, it's like she can read my mind.

That's all I have right now lovelies, but keep an eye out for more later.
And try not to beat yourselves up because my friends are more awesome than yours.
It happens!

That's right, I can hold shot glasses with my boobs.



(oYo)
Booblogger