Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Forgive Me Father

For I have sinned.

I became a certified bra fitter in August of last year.
I became an expert shortly after, because I happen to be really awesome at boob related things.
And I made myself this promise, as a professional, and expert, a connoisseur of breasts and bras, if you may:
I will never again buy a bra that does not fit simply because I like it.

We've all done it. Sometimes people call it motivational shopping, you buy a size smaller because you're going to lose weight, it'll fit eventually.
And sometimes it does! But generally? For your Ordinary Olivia? That's not the case.
It just sits in your closet, looking pretty, and untouched.

The day I became certified I went through my closet and put all those bras that didn't fit in a box, and gave them to my family, or friends, or yard sale boxes.

But last week I found myself, sitting in my room, packing for my San Diego trip and I realized:
I had bought not one, but two bras that didn't fit.
One was technically a bra style swim suit top, but that doesn't make me feel any better.

I have fallen prey to my old ways!
Alas, I am a fallen woman.

Any tips on how to avoid the pull of such items? The cute, the beautiful, but ill fitting?
May the bra Gods smite me where I stand.


Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Another Hiatus, It Was Beach Time

Sorry for the gap in posts again, I was on vacation.
It was AWESOME, thanks for asking.
I was in San Diego for a few days, enjoying the sun, and the beach.
Also, the wonderful abundance of lady lumps.
You know what they say. California girls, you wish they all could be California girls.

HAHA, who thought I was gonna make a Katy Perry reference?
I'm old skool, don't hate.
But, to appease you, here's a picture of Katy Perry rocking a swimsuit.

Picture from
 Is that underboob?

Also, does anyone know if California has a topless beach? I want to go to one, really bad. Unless there's lots of moobs. I guess I could always go to Malmö.
Off to google topless beaches!


Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Boobs and More, It's on Facebook!

Hey, guess what?

I have a Facebook page.

And you, as my lovely, breast enjoying readers, should like it.
You could be number 38! Or 39, or 40....

Like it!
You know you want to!
Click here now!


News Anchor Fired for Flashing in Florida

You know what's pretty awesome?
Also, Key West.
Wet T-shirt contests.
Unless, you're a news anchor, and the wet T-shirt contest gets out of control.

Catherine Bosley was a news anchor at WKBN-TV for ten years.
But one weekend in Florida managed to change all that.

What started as a harmless, celebratory wet T-shirt contest, turned into...
Picture from
Yes, she is naked under the black censor bars I added to sheild your virgin eyes.
Here is the charming progression of how she got in this position.

Oh boy....

Monday, July 11, 2011

Tanning Topless, Swedish Women Can

In 2009, Swedish women in Malmö won the right to tan topless on public beaches.

I feel like I don't even really need to write much more, because I don't even have words to explain how awesome this is.

Just imagine this picture, but without bikini tops.

Picture from
"Some on the council had lobbied for wording which would have required women to keep their nipples covered, but Forsberg explained that attempting to enforce such a rule would have been too complicated.

"We don't define what bathing suits men should wear so it doesn't make much sense to do it for women. And besides, it's not unusual for men to have large breasts that resemble women's breasts," he said."

Haha, you go Forsberg! Fight for nipples, and keep hating on manboobs.
You're the man.


Sunday, July 10, 2011

Woman Goes to Court With Monkey in Bra

In March of this year, some lady decided it was a good idea to go to her hearing in Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court with a monkey in her bra.
Let me give you a little more detail on this.
This was in rural Virginia.
The monkey was in a dress. A pink and white dress.
The monkey was 7 weeks old, and palm sized.

This is said monkey.
Picture from

Now, I put a lot of things in my bra.
And while I have held a puppy with my breasts, but... a monkey?
A little thing that has genetic similarities to me?
And can pinch?
Thank you, no.
By the way, here's this super cute puppy I was holding with my boobs.
Also, I don't think bringing a monkey to court is gonna make your hearing go any better.
Just saying.


Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Haboob, It's Happening

So for all of my Arizona readers, you're probably hearing all about the epic dust storm that is rolling in, taking the place that nice rain other states would normally fill. I've heard it's called a "monsoon", but what do I know?
But Arizona?
We're special.
We get a "haboob".
"Haboob (from Arabic هبوب) n. an intense sandstorm typically observed in the arid regions of the world."
It has the word boob in it.
At least it's not an intense boob storm.

Well, actually...

Just saying, that might not be that bad.

Then it would really be a haboob!

"Help! It's raining tits! And not the birds!"

Picture from
Also, this is what a boob storm would be like:

Picture from
 Haha, her friend  (read, victim) does not look happy. Also, pointy nipples much?

Anyways, Arizona readers, keep your boobs safe from the epic sandstorm. That stuff does not belong in your bra.


Friday, July 1, 2011

Australia Bans Small Breasts

Picture from

So apparently sometime last year, Australia put a ban on small breasted women appearing in adult productions, in an effort to keep creepers from living out their creepy pedophile fantasies through the images.

Now, I feel like this is one of those good intentions played out wrong.

I mean, women over the age of eighteen can still have small boobs, and think of all the adult film stars you just put of business. Also, how do you even qulaify small? Like, I generally consider a 32 B a small size, but it's a B cup, not an A.

They also decided that female ejaculation is also a no no because it's a "form of urination" and that's not allowed.

Australia, I think you're a little wonky on this on. The expression more than a handful is a waste is just an expression!
Just saying.