The Variable Cleavage Bra, Just Pull the String

Oh hey, what's up?

It's been a long ass time since I last updated, but I ain't even sorry.

A girl has to keep busy sometimes, I REGRET NOTHING.

Anyways, on to the updates in boobs news.

Remember the weird ass Chinese Boob Clamper?

Well, Wonderbra decided to make something quite similar in 2000 and is doing a limited rerelease, but it's just a bra with a drawstring basically. (Also, has anyone ever wondered if Wonderbra is short for "Wonder-where-your-boobs-went-when-you-took-off-your-bra"?)

It's called the variable cleavage bra, and it lets you control how much cleavage you want to have at any given time with a little pull on the string.

Picture from Geekologie.com

That bitch looks kind of crazy scary.

This isn't exactly a new concept, and Lily Of France has a bra very similar to this, but it has stupid little hooks in the front, and basically changing the setting on it makes your fingers feel like they're bleeding, it's probably the most awesome thing ever.

Except it's not. This seems much cleaner and easier to use, and probably hurts your fingers less. That's just a guess though.

Thoughts? Buy or not?

I just kind of manipulate mine until they look the way I want them to, so I don't know if I would buy a bra specifically for this.

Until next time!

(oYo)

Booblogger

Ahh Bra, Launching in the UK

We all know how I feel about the Genie Bra, or the Ahh bra.

And if you don't, here's a picture to sum it up.

Picture from oldpeopleinhats.wordpress.com

Soooo yeah.

Anyhow, it had a pretty good debut in the UK, but why the UK needs them, I don't know.

They make some fabulous lingerie there.

They don't need this nonsense.

WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU PEOPLE?

Reviews give it an average of three stars across the board.

The Miley Cyrus sex doll has the same amount of stars, and we all know how good that is.

The reviews are equally hilarious though.

1.0 out of 5 stars SAGGY & Sweaty/Hot, September 14, 2011

By 

KELLI "Kelli" (Madison, WI) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Ahh Bra (Apparel)

Wow - these must be designed for smaller busted women. Might as well carry 2 melons around in a pair of support-hose. THAT is how much support the Ahh bra offered me. Maybe support-hose would offer more support than the Ahh Bra did. Also it's hot, no moisture wicking, I sweat in it. Wanted to love it, or even like it, wanted it to live up to it's claims. Bought my mother one & she also mentioned they made her sweat. Unable to recommend this as a product that lives up to it's claims for anyone that's bigger busted. 

Why, that is how I carry my melons, thanks!

Even the five star review said it was only comfortable, but not very supportive.

I like this one though:

1.0 out of 5 stars terrible..., January 2, 2012

By 

PAL - See all my reviews

This review is from: Ahh Bra (Apparel)

might as well wear a rubber band. awful thing to wrestle into and try to wear. ahhh no! it's more of a torture device than a bra. i was hoping this would replace an underwire but it just squashes and mushes your boobs into your body.

I'm gonna pass on the rubber band idea.

Only one person can pull that off.

Picture from mainstreammemoribilia.com

 So good luck with that, everyone in the UK.

I look forward to your amusingly worded reviews of how awful this bra is.

(oYo)

Booblogger

The Delightful Sucker

I got to talk to one of my old teachers today, and he told me that he and his wife read my blog, and that reminded me that I should probably start writing it again, so here I am.

"Guess who's back, back again.

Shady's back."

No he's not, it's just me.

Anyways, I was on pictureisnotrelated.com, which I very much enjoy, and I ran across this gem.

Can you imagine someone using this in public?

"Oh, hello respectable looking man in a park, what have you got there? Oh, a nipple on top of a soda can, very classy. 

Children, get behind me."

I would run away from them.

There's probably some Freudian theory behind this product.

Because he liked his mom?

And she had boobs?

Get it?

Anyhow, I'll work on posting more!

(oYo)

Booblogger

Snooki, She Wears Two Bras in Lieu of a Boob Job

I do not like Jersey Shore.

Or even New Jersey.

And I especially don't like Snooki.

Recently she shared her personal way around getting a boob job, while still getting the appearance of fake boobs.

Picture from ll-media.tmz.com

Wear two bras.

Brilliant Snooki. Thank you for imparting your wisdom upon us.

"I encourage women to wear two bras. It look like you have fake boobies if you're scared to get surgery or don't want to."

Also, are you supposed to wear two bras of the same size?

Your instructions are not detailed.

She did gain respect points by saying this as well, "Snooki's definitely not a role model - Snooki's just there to have fun in life - Nicole, I would say, I can be a role model. I'm very strong, independent and I'm loveable, I guess."

So my real question is, does Snooki wear two bras, or does Nicole?

Alter ego's are making my brain hurt.

Just go to Bangkok and let that lady slap you around.

I bet they could use the footage in the show and everything.

(oYo)

Booblogger

The Factors Of The Perfect Breasts

Patrick Mallucci is a plastic surgeon, who has spent three months analyzing breasts to try and discover the key features that make them "perfect". (I want his job. Right now.)

From his three month study, he discover four key features:

"First, the part of the boob lying below the nipple was ten per cent fuller than that above it.

Next, the nipples themselves were angled upwards at 20 degrees.

 

Finally the skin sloped flatly or inward above the nipple, and curved outwards below it." 

^That bit? Copied and pasted. I think the last one is supposed to be two features in one line, but I can't be sure.

"The nipple meridian — a horizontal line drawn at the level of the nipple — lay at a point such that the proportion of the breast above it was 45 per cent and below 55 per cent. The more breasts deviate from these measures the less attractive they are regardless of size." 

Well, that seems a little shallow, sir.

His finding have been published in the International Journal of Plastic, Reconstructive and Aesthetic Surgery, and I wonder if it's the same journal that published the story about the guy who broke his finger unhooking a bra. Well, trying to anyways.

I don't know if there's any formula for perfect breasts, and I have to say, I can't read that doctory mumbo jumbo up there, but I'm pretty sure they don't fit those requirements.

And I think they're perfect anyways!

Is there a formula for "perfect" breasts? Thoughts?

If you want to look at one of the girls with perfect breasts, click here. They have a copyright on the photo, and that shit is legal.

(oYo)

Booblogger

Bad News Bears

Picture from funnyjunk.com

 And no, not the movie about the kids who play baseball or whatever.

The bad news is...

I think my boobs are shrinking.

JUST A LITTLE, DON'T FLIP OUT.

I've recently lost a good bit of weight, almost 18 pounds, and my band size is just hovering above a 36.

Now, I used to measure, spot on, a 38 band, and a 43 bust.

For those of you who don't know math, that is a five inch difference, making me a DD.

Now I measure more of a 36 band, 41 1/2 bust.

Technically, that makes me a 36 DDD/36 G, meaning my cup technically went up, but the point is, my bust measurement has gone down.

Don't panic, I only have about 21 more pounds to go.

So hopefully we won't see to much more loss, but I have to say, I wouldn't mind being a 36 D.

That's like, the perfect size in my mind.

I'll keep you all updated!

(oYo)

Booblogger

Kendra Wilkinson, She Would Eat Breast Milk Ice Cream

Picture zeusbox.com

Not gonna lie, I don't really know who Kendra Wilkinson is.

And all Google can tell me is she wants to bite Beyonce's butt, she apparently used to date Hugh Hefner, and she's drank her own breast milk before.

Wait, what?

Yes folks, you read that right. Apparently when she went to her first party after giving birth to her son, she started to leak. This is rather normal for women who have recently had babies, but what is not normal is breastfeeding yourself.

"My first party after giving birth to Hank, I went to Eve nightclub in Vegas and my boobs started leaking. I couldn't do anything so I breastfed myself. And it tasted sweet, too!"

Maybe she should visit London and get some lovely breast milk ice cream.

Picture from realbollywood.com

I just can't help but find it a little weird.

I guess she's already had it once before in her life anyways, right?

(oYo)

Booblogger

Britney and Lady Gaga, Gettin' it on at the VMA's!

So, a good bit of my posts has been on celebrities lately, and that's fine, and generally they've had something to do with their breasts.

Like, Lady Gaga, taking her bra off to promote the VMA's.

Britney's potential breast leveling surgery.

But this one doesn't have much to do with breasts, but a lot to do with both of the aforementioned ladies, one of which was dressed in drag at the time of the incident.

Raise your hand if you remember when Britney and Madonna made out.

Cause I know I do. And apparently, I'm not the only one. When Britney went on stage to receive the Michael Jackson Vanguard Award from Jo Calderone (Lady Gaga's male alter ego from You & I), Jo started putting the moves on Britney.

Yes folks, if you didn't see it with your own eyes, Britney is making out with other female celebrities again.

Picture from media.zenfs.com

Britney seems pretty surprised, and a little freaked out by the whole thing, and Jo just keeps creepin' on her. Oh, Hollywood. How I love you.

Anyhow, you can click here to see the video because I can't find it on youtube. It's worth watching.

(oYo)

Booblogger

Meatpacking District to Get A Boob Job

A boob removal, to be exact.
Apparently in 2008, somebody decided they should put up giant stone boobs in a bunch of the plazas on Ninth Avenue.

Picture from nypost.com

I think this was a much better idea in their head, as the giant stone busts (HAHAHAHA) are apparently going to be removed soon, because people are tired of the boobs jokes.

Also, no offence, but those are not the more beautiful boobs I've ever seen made out of stone.

""They’re the breasts. They just sit out there and do nothing," said Matt DeMatt, owner of the Gaslight Lounge on Ninth Avenue, of the round mounds capped by nippled-shaped white cones."

Matt DeMatt, I have two things to say to you.

1. What do you think boobs normally do?
2. Your name is pretty weird. Just saying.

Thoughts on boobs as public art projects/barricades of plazas?
I can't say I'm exactly for it. I would have just stationed topless ladies where the giant stone boobs are instead. But that's just me.

(oYo)
Booblogger

Om Nom Nom, Breast Milk Ice Cream

Ok, so I usually have posts about weird breast related things from Asian countries, occasionally from Germany.
But today I have one from London.

Breast milk ice cream.
A restaurant in London's Covent Garden is serving breast milk ice cream, made with pure breast milk, and is called Baby GaGa.
Seriously.

Here's a picture of woman supplying the restaurant with breast milk, London mother Victoria Hiley:


Picture from dailymail.co.uk

 Now here's a  shot of her with the ice cream:

Picture from metro.co.uk

Apparently, she milks on site, and the milk is then pasteurized, churned with vanilla pods and lemon zest.
I do have to approve of her approach to the situation, as she is quoted as saying, "What's the harm in using my assets for a bit of extra cash?"
If you want to read more about it, click here.

You have to admire her innovation.
Thoughts?

(OYO)
Booblogger

News Anchor Fired for Flashing in Florida

You know what's pretty awesome?
Vacations.
Also, Key West.
And....
Wet T-shirt contests.
Unless, you're a news anchor, and the wet T-shirt contest gets out of control.

Catherine Bosley was a news anchor at WKBN-TV for ten years.
But one weekend in Florida managed to change all that.

What started as a harmless, celebratory wet T-shirt contest, turned into...
Well....
This:

Picture from connect.in.com

Yes, she is naked under the black censor bars I added to sheild your virgin eyes.
Here is the charming progression of how she got in this position.

Oh boy....
(OYO)
Booblogger

Australia Bans Small Breasts

Picture from zazzle.com

So apparently sometime last year, Australia put a ban on small breasted women appearing in adult productions, in an effort to keep creepers from living out their creepy pedophile fantasies through the images.

Now, I feel like this is one of those good intentions played out wrong.

I mean, women over the age of eighteen can still have small boobs, and think of all the adult film stars you just put of business. Also, how do you even qulaify small? Like, I generally consider a 32 B a small size, but it's a B cup, not an A.

They also decided that female ejaculation is also a no no because it's a "form of urination" and that's not allowed.

Australia, I think you're a little wonky on this on. The expression more than a handful is a waste is just an expression!
Just saying.

(OYO)
Booblogger

That Natural, Nipply Look

You know what's cool?
Nipples.
Lots of things have them. Men, women, baby bottles, lots of animals. They're handy little buggers attached to your body.
But most of us aren't like, "hey, check out my super cool nips. Sometimes when it's cold, I use them to slice through cheese. It's a cool party trick."
But for those of you who are into that sort of thing, maybe I can interest you in the "Nipple Bra".
That's right.
A bra with nipples on it.

Picture from Poorlydressed.failblog.org

Cause yours just aren't good enough.
Now, when I buy bras, I tend to lean towards the kind that conceal all that mumbo jumbo, but if you want that perky, nipply look, here's a good alternative.
Which is hopefully just missing decimal points in the price, because no fake nipples should cost that much.

Mine were free.

(OYO)
Booblogger.



The BraBall

This, my dear friends, is the BraBall.
Created by Emily Duffy, the BraBall stands 5 feet tall, weighing over 1,800 pounds, and is comprised of 18,085 bras, hooked together.

That is, almost literally, a freaking ton of bras.

If you want to read the full backstory, see pictures, and read all about this crazy project, click here.
It's pretty interesting stuff, talks about self confidence, breast cancer, friendship, all that.

If you want to see this thing in real life, you can go to the James Rouse Visionary Center in the American Visionary Art Museum in Baltimore, Maryland.

It's a pretty crazy idea, I'll give her that.

(OYO)
Booblogger

Snuggies

I hate Snuggies.
No, I'm serious.
I hate them with the passion of a thousand burning suns, and I'd like to see what a thousand burning suns would do to a Snuggie.
To me, a Snuggie is something worn by someone who has never seen a trenchcoat, or is incredibly lazy, and really hates moving their blanket for four seconds.

The only real good I see in them, is sometimes they look long enough that if you try to walk with one, you'll trip and fall, and look like a giant ass in a blanket with sleeves, like the person in the video below.

Video looks totally staged, but is still somehow completely satisfying.

And the only other good thing?

The Snuggie Sutra.

This is exactly what it sounds like, and is truly a wonderful read.

"You have a Snuggie. You have sex. This was inevitable."

You can view a few of the positions online here.

Th Amish Curtain is a personal favorite.

Thank you Lex Friedman and Megan Morrison, for turning something I hate into a satirical sutra book.

It makes my life better.

What's your favorite? Any Snuggie lovers out there?

(OYO)

Booblogger out!



NSFW Easter Boobs

It's Easter!
Yay!
Easter makes me think of eggs, which makes me think of, well, you guessed it.
Boobs.
And guess what?
I'm not the only one!
The following pictures are NSFW, so be prepared before you hit the links!

Two bunnbies (Get it? Bunny boobies?) in a basket:
Here.

And this one, I have no real words for:

I honestly don't know what's happening with this one, because I can't find a backstory to it. But it's majorly creepy.
It has boobs though!

So happy Easter!
I love you all!

(OYO)
Booblogger loves her some bunnbies!

Words For Boobs

This is a super charming video, giving you some pretty creative words for your boobs, in case you find a situation where "breasts" just doesn't quite do the job.

"Jugs and orbs and darts and gourds
Elmer Fudds and bouncing Buddhas
Sweater stretchers, lung protectors
Beach umbrellas, frost detectors
Scooby Snacks and snake-eyes dice
Jell-o molds and high-beam lights
Every day I probably use
99 words for boobs

Humpty Dumplings, Hardy Boys
Double lattes, Ode to Joys
Hooters, shooters, physics tutors
Bobbsey Twins and bald commuters
Double-WMD's
MRE's and PFD's
Snow-white dwarfs, Picasso cubes
99 words for boobs

Gerber servers, holy grails
Whoopee cushions, humpback whales
Flying saucers, traffic stoppers
Super Big Gulps, Double Whoppers
Pillows, billows, Don DeLillos
Soft-serve cones and armadillos
Pimped-out hubcaps, inner tubes
99 words for boobs

Midget earmuffs, warming globes
Strobes and probes and frontal lobes
Knockers, honkers, knicker bonkers
Smurfs and Screaming Yellow Zonkers
Tannin' cannons, Mister Bigs
Big bad wolves and Porky Pigs
Jogging partners, saline noobs
99 words for boobs

Two-point jumpers, Bambi's Thumpers
Rubber baby buggy bumpers
Rutabagas, Chi Omegas
Schwag the showgirls show in Vegas
Congo bongos, bowling pins
Fast-pitch softballs, siamese twins

Those are 99 words for boobs"

 

Would anyone ever use these in real applications?

I mean, what?

 

(OYO)

Booblogger out.

Reviews Of The Miley... Well, You Know.

Ok, so remember this post, about the Miley Cyrus sex doll?


It has 7 reviews, with four five star ratings, and three one star ratings.
Here are those promised Amazon reviews:

1. The Last Schlong? Uhm. What?
"189 of 205 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Last Schlong, April 4, 2011

By 

Jason Carpenter (Sacramento, CA United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Finally Mylie! Love Doll (Health and Beauty)

I recently purchased a Finally Mylie! Love Doll at my local sex store and I have to say I am extremely disappointed. I opened the box waiting for my own Mylie (or MYlie, as I always say, or just started to say right now) and all I got was a flat lady made of plastic!! Don't Buy!

EDIT: lol oh didn't know I had to inflate it! Thanks mom!

EDIT: Awww man. I got tired of blowing it up, so I hooked it up to one of those machines that my creepy uncle uses to inflate his matress in the basement and it got too inflated! Mylie looks like Kirstie Alley! (Note To Self: Patent Kirstie Alley sex blimp)

EDIT: I had to poke a fourth hole in Finally Mylie to let out some air. Oh well, now she's just like my ex. This isn't too bad, I mean if you like to have sex with a semi-inflated trash bag as you balance on one arm while you pray that it doesn't pop, and if it pops that no one hears it. The last thing I need is for my parents to find me lying naked on top of a flattened Miley Cyrus . . .again. "

2. VERY IMPRESS
"34 of 42 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars buy doll, VERY IMPRESS, April 6, 2011

By 

Xiu Xhong - See all my reviews

This review is from: Finally Mylie! Love Doll (Health and Beauty)

Miley Cyrus in China are very popular. In China, sex is too stubborn woman. Miley Cyrus is that it can be my lover. I recently, Miley Cyrus is a sex toy to buy. I feel happy to get the appropriate value of the first very open and has popped about 3 hours in. So I bought 10 or more. Very enjoyable weekend. "

3. I'm disappointed with your lack of capitalization.
"7 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars don't waste your money on this, April 7, 2011

By 

Amazonian - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)

This review is from: Finally Mylie! Love Doll (Health and Beauty)

they really do trick you with the box packaging with a smoking hot replica model of miley. that's not what you'll get. to think they charge this much for a piece of trash is really lame. i was actually looking forward to getting this, what a disappointment. it would be funny if it was like five or ten dollars, then it would be a good gag joke product to have around but it cost way more than that. do not buy. doesn't even include a pump. as soon as i got the box, i didn't even open it because it felt like nothing was even inside. i don't know what the product even looks like but i could tell it's a massive failure. don't bother wasting your time or money on this!"

4. Thank God for age laws!
"5.0 out of 5 stars Exceptional!, April 20, 2011

By 

plasticman - See all my reviews

This review is from: Finally Mylie! Love Doll (Health and Beauty)

I've been waiting years for Mylie to finally become legal, and thank god for this doll, I got my wish. I counted down the days, the minutes, the seconds, wow! Thank u Pipedream! "

5. CAPS LOCK MEANS I'M SERIOUS
"1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars DO NOT WASTE YOUR MONEY ON THIS HUNK, April 12, 2011

By 

r833 - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)

This review is from: Finally Mylie! Love Doll (Health and Beauty)

THIS NO WHERE RESEMBLES MILEY, THIS SIMPLY A BLOW UP DOLL WITH ORANGE HAIR AND 2 OPENINGS. WHAT A JOKE "

6. I kind of want to high five this guy."2 of 4 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars um.... WINNING, April 10, 2011

By 

J. Chmelicek "Tugboat" (Middle earth) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Finally Mylie! Love Doll (Health and Beauty)

I bought three, one to cook, one to clean and one for sensual massage. the food's not bad. and my whites have never been whiter. but mylie 3 has a little too much grip. she's okay with feet though. i just wish i could get one of these plastic chicks to drink something so i can slip her a ruffie. "

7. trust me imo.
"1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars waste of money, April 9, 2011

By 

marvin cantbe tamed lopez - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)

This review is from: Finally Mylie! Love Doll (Health and Beauty)

Dont buy this, its a waste of your money. when i bought it i was expecting the doll to look like whats on the box. but its not . they just use a look a like to seel this product. no resemblence whatso ever. its just a regular sex doll . no resemblence to her wat so ever. waste of my 50 bucks. it would be better if it was 5 bucks as a gag gift. but imo this product is a 1 star . waste of ur money. trust me imo "


Seriously, these reviews make my day.
I could read the VERY IMPRESS one over and over, and not get tired of it.
Which one is your favorite?

(OYO)
Booblogger

All Grown Up... And Inflatable?

How I haven't blogged about this yet, I don't really know.
Miley Cyrus has her own love doll.
Not by her choice (or so she says!), and produced by Pipedream Products, which also produces a Snooki love doll and a Beyonce love doll.

The doll was completely sold out in the first 48 hours, and the star has threatened to sue, but it's still on the market. The company hasn't even received a cease and desist letter, which means, Miley may be milking (HAHAHA INNUENDO) this for all the publicity.

GASP. NO! AMERICA'S SWEETHEART? (Whose dolls description is "She's had years of practice speaking into the mic, and now she's ready for yours. just add air and this teen-queen pole-dancing princess comes of age right before your own eyes!")
The doll also features
 
Wow. I don't really have words for this. The only thing better then the product, are the Amazon reviews.

Most of you don't want to have this on your web history, so let me post some of my favorites in a later post, so that those of you who don't want to read them, don't have to.
Wow.
Just wow.

(OYO)
Booblogger is amazed.

"Three lonely love holes aching for a good ole' down-home dicking.

She's the perfect companion to fulfill all of your sexual fantasies.

Inflatable!"

Breast Wrinkles... No More?

I'm guessing most of my younger readers don't have what we will call gentle, breast wrinkles.

Like, when you see an old lady who doesn't wear a really good bra, and she has all this wrinkly stuff going one?

Well, the solution has come!

Now, I don't know about you, but I have never, ever seen anything like this.
I guess the idea is it will basically smooth the skin between the breasts and give you that young, smooth, in between the boob look?
Here's an example of what I'm trying to say.

If you're interested, check here.

(OYO)
Booblogger out!