Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Band vs. Cup, Are Your Boobs Big?

I get a lot of people that ask me if they have large breasts.
And it's a question that is actually kind of difficult to answer at this point in my life.
Especially after seeing the huge 164XXX breasts of Chelsea Charms, everyone looks, well, smaller.
But I've always kind of gone by what I call my chart of averages.
Now, the chart of averages is just what I use as a reference to let a girl know, speaking by logic, if she is average size in the bust.

And as you can see, the chart only goes from an A to a D, and a 32 to a 38.
That's because these are the most common sizes, and if you're any other kind of band, it's all kind of nonsense at that point.
So if you're a 32 D, you're large for your band size.
This is important to remember, because band size makes a difference.
Because if a 32 D is next to a 34D, the 34D will look larger.
I'll explain why this is the way it is in a later post.

But another important thing to remember is body shape is really important here too.
You may have a pear shape, which will cause your bust too appear smaller, or you may be hourglass, causing it to look larger.

So it's all pretty objective, but thsi is just a way to get a quick idea on your size, and where you fall.


Friday, May 27, 2011

The Wine Rack, It Holds More Then Alcohol

You know those people who like to run on the mountains?
With the backpacks with tubes so they can drink from their water while they run, cause they're hardcore?
Well now they have one specifically for women. It's a sports bra that you can literally fill with alcohol.
Up to 25 ounces of alcohol.
Plus, it makes your boobs look bigger.
This magical product is called, if you will, "The Wine Rack".
BEST. PRODUCT. NAME. EVER. (Also, best product ever.)
And if you go to the bars, trying to seduce a man, you just pump your bra full of his favorite beverage, and let him drink from your bounty, so that he will become so intoxicated that he won't notice that your breasts are slowly deflating...
Plus, you can bring alcohol into all those places you aren't supposed to, like bars, church, your nephews birthday party...
This may be one of the best things I've ever seen in my whole life.
Thank you baby Jesus for inspiring someone to come up with this fabulous product, which I will soon purchase, and then go drunken running with.
Watch out y'all, now I really might knock someone out with my breasts, and that someone may be me, because I will be intoxicated.
Or you, because you will be in my way.


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Boob Coolers, Freezer Packs For Your Boobs

You have really dry nipples.
I'm not discriminating, I'm just letting you know. Nipples are a very dry part of the body.
And when you're nursing, that tends to get even worse.
Apparently they can get so dry that they start to crack.
Also, crackly nipples sounds like a tea time cookie.
Nipple crispies?
I'm gonna put a copyright on that.

But Sherri Frushon has come up with "Boob Coolers", which are basically mini freezer packs that you pop right on into your nursing bra to help give your little nursing nippies some relief.
They're even advertised as reusable, "You can reuse your Boob Coolers after nursing is completed. Use for kids lunches, keeps sipper cup cold, toss into picnic basket, etc."
Your kids will really appreciate that. I love when my mother alternates her nipple cooling pads with my lunch box cooler.
They are eco friendly though, and made with "Couture mommy fabrics", whatever that means.


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Boob Mousepad, The Perfect Wrist Support

After the post about the usb boob warmers, I had to post about another computer related boob accessory.
Picture from geekologie.com

These are magical mouspads, with the best kind of wrist supporters. That's right, large, fake, anime breasts.
Why is that Japan is so good at coming up with these crazy awesome things?
They're an island of wonderful people.
I hope these are a required part of your office supplies there.


Keep Your Boobs Warm With Your Computer!

Ever been sitting at your desk with your computer, trying to type and keep your precious boobs warm?
Can't say it's ever been a problem for me, I can type with one hand, and keep myself warm with the other, but for the real busy ladies out there, I have a solution for your cold boobies.
Picture from www.japanator.com
These lovely "Bust Beauty Pad" warming pads run about 20 bucks a piece, and they plug right on in with a usb cord into your computer. In seconds, you can start warming your lovely ladies while still typing with both hands.
Handy. (GET IT?)
If you're interested in buying yourself a set, and can read Japanese, click the link above buy yourself some nice warming pads.


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Push Up Bras, The Greatest Lie Ever Told By Your Average Woman

Recently, Victoria's Secret and many other bra makers have started making something even more extreme then a push up bra, to replace tissues and socks and silicone inserts.
Traditionally, a push up bra adds a cup size, making you seem bigger, but these new bras can add two, or even three, cup sizes.
My real question is, why?
Just.... why?
Isn't the point of showing off your boobs (edit: occasionally) to get someone in bed? And isn't part of getting someone in bed through that process... getting nekkid?
And letting them see your real boobs? Which will have magically shrunk?
The only good thing I can see in these new push up bras are you can literally let someone punch you in the boob, and you will be totally fine. Also, you could just run into an attacker, breasts first, and knock them out. One time at work, I dropped one on my head, and it gave me a headache.
Maybe it's just because I have large breasts, but I can't see why we would need to mislead perfectly nice strangers into thinking we have bigger boobs then we do. You can trick someone with one cup, but two or three?
Come on.

(Edit, due to below comment. This post is due to my frustration with women who purchase these kinds of bras for the wrong reasons. Women who choose to wear these bras to ensnare men, and then express confusion with the mans reaction and confusion, with me while they purchase more of these kinds of bras, make me feel rather frustrated. The boobs you have are wonderful, and I just wish everyone could see that. Thank you, anon, I forgot to make that clear to my readers. =) )

Booblogger rant over.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Bacon Friday, A Father's Day Bacon Basket

Just in time for Father's Day!
Baconfreak.com, which is one of my new favorite places ever, has a basket designed to give your favorite father figure a delicious bacon-y gift basket.

Picture from Baconfreak.com

This delicious basket features:
1 bag of  French Market coffee
2 pounds of "Big Daddy Bacon"
1 pound of Rocco's Private Reserve Cajun Sausage
1 Pound of Boss Hogs Center Sliced Ham
Boss Hog Bacon Pancake Mix
Uncle Sam's Chocolate Chip Pancake Mix
Uncle Sam's Blueberry Syrup
1 bottle of bacon seasoning

Uhm, I think I need to go become a father so someone can get this for me.
Hello future children, please give me this now!

Also, my dad thinks my bacon obsession is weird, so when I get this for him, and he doesn't want it, I guess I'll just have to take it for myself....


Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Bra Holster, Don't Make Me Shoot You With My Boobs!

Picture from Geekologie.com
This is The Flashbang Bra Holster.
It holds the following gun styles:
Kel-Tec P3AT
S&W J Frame
S&W Bodyguard 38
Ruger LCP
Ruger LCR

It's basically so you can be confronted with an attacker, and instead of letting him steal your things, you flash him, and then shoot his ass!
That'll teach him.
Watch the video.
So worth it.
Also, click here if you want to buy one.


NSFW: Most Bras Taken Off And Put On In One Minute

Photo from collegecandy.com

Now, any one who has tried a bra on knows it can take a little bit of time, especially depending on bra style. Like a criss cross backed bra is the most ridiculous thing ever, you have to like, lift yourself into it.
But enough about that.

But how many could you put on, and take off, in one minute?
On November 12, 2009. two girls, Rosie and Becky attempted to break the record of six bras in one minute.
Click here for a gratuitous amount of boobs, and to watch the video.
Warning, NSFW, but totally awesome.

Who wants to try and break this record while I hold the camera?
Call me.


Sunday, May 15, 2011

The BraBall

This, my dear friends, is the BraBall.
Created by Emily Duffy, the BraBall stands 5 feet tall, weighing over 1,800 pounds, and is comprised of 18,085 bras, hooked together.

That is, almost literally, a freaking ton of bras.

If you want to read the full backstory, see pictures, and read all about this crazy project, click here.
It's pretty interesting stuff, talks about self confidence, breast cancer, friendship, all that.

If you want to see this thing in real life, you can go to the James Rouse Visionary Center in the American Visionary Art Museum in Baltimore, Maryland.

It's a pretty crazy idea, I'll give her that.


Bra Survey

In 2007, bra maker, Triumph, conducted a survey of some European countries, and found that on average, women in the UK have 57% chance of wearing a D cup, follwed by Denmark, 50%.
Italy had the lowest percentage of A cups, only 1%.
Russia was not on there, but remember the post about the map of average cup sizes, Russia had the biggest.
яй большие сиськиoo!
Google says this means literally, "Yay big tits!" in Russian, but I don't know if I trust google translate.

Picture from Wikipedia.com

Apparently none of these countries have DD or bigger though, so that's pretty weird.
Go Brits!
Pip pip, cheerio!


Saturday, May 14, 2011

The Largest Breasts In The World

And no, they're not mine.

Porn star, Chelsea Charms had reportedly the biggest boobs in the world, clocking in at 164XXX (HAHAHAHA, sorry).
Apparently when she got some polypropylene string (which is no longer a legal form of breast augmentation), which is used to make packaging by the way, inserted into her breasts on her third boob job, and it had a reaction.
A reaction that causes her boobs to increase by an inch a month.
That's at least a cup size increase a month.
That can't be healthy.
Phillip Schofield from the "This Morning" show with Chelsea Charms
Phillip Schofield wrote online, "The lady with the mahooooosive boobs has arrived! Everyone trying to keep their eyes up... and failing." (Watch the show here.)

I mean, you can't just ignore that. It's like a scar, or a missing arm. Like if she turns too fast and hits you, you might be in danger. Serious danger.
How does she get through small door ways? How does she eat?
"Chelsea did admit to Pip and Ruth Langsford that she does struggle, particularly squeezing into aeroplane toilets. She also admitted 'Itsy and Bitsy' as she lovingly calls them, often prove a bit of an obstruction and she has trouble reaching the dinner table over them."
Itsy and Bitsy my pants loving ass.
I'm terrified of this.
Me neither.
Here are some more pictures.
Also, do not google this with filter off. Ever.

Pictures from geekologie.com

Also, why the tank?


Bra Pocket, Gotta Hold It All

(Who got that?
Gotta catch 'em all?

You guys suck.)

So, I stick everything in my bra.
Like, in addition to my boobs. Like my phone, money, tickets, puppies, basically anything and everything.
But now, I can have a fancy bra pocket to put all my junk (HAHAHAHA, get it? Junk? No? Ok....) in.
One of them is called the RackTrap, which may now be my favorite thing in the whole world.

It gave me a nice mental image of bear traps disguised as bras, catching unsuspecting pedestrians.
 Also, these are the instructions on how to use the RackTrap:

  1. "Locate your breasts . Are you a righty or a lefty? Decide what breast is most easily accessible.
  2. Place your essentials (cash, credit cards, drivers license etc.) in The Racktrap.
  3. Insert The Racktrapin your bra between the cup and your breast (see #1) at the top of your cup.
  4. Make sure the opening of The Racktrap is lined up with the edge of your bra.
  5. Pull your shirt tight to make sure there are no lines.
  6. Use your free hands for good and not evil.
  7. Repeat again tomorrow."
"Use your free hands for good and not evil." is my favorite.
Anyways, this puppy goes right on in your bra, successfully hiding your goodies (This is too easy) from muggers and ragamuffins and whatnot.
Which is nice and dandy until you come across a groper.
“Hey, your boob feels like a cell phone.”
Just trying to keep you all abreast (HAHAHAH, ok, I swear I’m stopping.) of the newest advances.
I just want to keep you all safe, and close to my heart. (Ok, I’m done for real now.)

Friday, May 13, 2011

Bacon Friday: Bacon Outfit

This is the most win combination of things ever.
One can only hope she's also wearing a bacon bra underneath.
Om nom nom.

I want to be her best friend.

Someone buy me bacon themed clothes!


Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Bacon Friday, Bacon Bra 2.0

So who remembers the original bacon bra post?
Have you seen the new one?
Photo from blog.baconfreak.com
This is actually really cute.
I would wear this.
Here's an excerpt of the making of the bra:
"I asked my friend, Neely, to help me with the bra and we brainstormed a little. She found a recipe for bacon cups to put salads in, or something. So we followed that for the temperature and cooking times. The first attempt at the bacon bra was sort of a failure. I was clutching greasy, dripping bacon, holding it over my breasts, while she took a picture of me. I looked ridiculous. We sort of got the idea to weave the bacon but didn’t really implement it very well. For Bacon Bra 2.0 we knew we wanted to start by weaving bacon and cooking it longer since the inside was so soft and greasy the first time. We kind of had a pattern. Both times we took tin foil and put it over my breasts to make a mold. Then we rolled tin foil balls to put under the tin foil boobs because the bacon is pretty heavy. We cooked the bacon on that."

Click here to read the rest and see the making of the bra.
Also, new favorite blog.

Sorry this was late!


Boobs on a Rollercoaster, The Solution

Have you ever tried wearing a push up bra on a rollercoaster?
If you have, you know your boobs don't really like to stay put with all the movement and twists and upsides downs and etc.
Ultimo has come up with a sexy bra to solve the problem, as well as the best advertising campaign ever.
Namely, a video of a bunch of girls in lingerie riding several rollercoasters at  Allton Towers Resort.

This video may be the best thing I've ever seen.

Also, on that note, I can hold up to six phones in my bra on a rollercoaster and not lose any of them.
I have it.


Thursday, May 5, 2011

Men In Bras, Brought on by Bath Salts?

There aren't a lot of reasons for your standard guy to be wearing a bra.
Unless, they're high on bath salts, and have stabbed a goat recently.

Or to be more specific, if you're Mark L. Thompson, 19, of Alum county of West Virginia.
Yeah, this guy was found just hanging out in his house, wearing ladies undergarments, with his neighbors dead goat, which he stabbed.
Cause he was high on bath salts.
I don't know what kind of bath salts those are, but I'm thinking maybe they should be illegal.

Also, look at this guy
Picture from Kanawha County Sheriff's Office
That guy.
Wearing girl undergarments.
Also, the goat was his neighbors present to her four year old granddaughter.
He's a real winner.

Look out for bath salt sniffing goat stabbers readers.
Be safe.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Disneyland: Now It's REALLY The Happiest Place on Earth

Pretty much everyone who's ever been on a roller coaster has a picture of them making a stupid face on the roller coaster because they didn't know the camera was about to flash, or they were just in general, terrified.

But do you have you a picture like this?

Picture from geekologie.
Also, that man is a badass.
Visit his site immediately.

Yeah, you probably don't, because Disneyland has always kept employees in the photo room to screen, and delete, any photos involving your funbags making an appearance on somebody else's picture of their kid on their first ever roller coaster.
You ruin family memories.
But not anymore! Due to budgetary reasons (read, to attract more adults), Disneyland has moved those employees to other parts of the park, leaving no one to regulate the photos.
Meaning, if you're looking for photos of topless chicks, and a good time, go to Disneyland.

Now it's really the happiest place on Earth.
Walt Disney would be proud.

All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them. - Walt Disney
Keep pursuing your dreams of topless roller coaster rides ladies.
Booblogger approves.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Mesmerizing Mammaries

Guys like boobs.
I mean, not every guy is a boob guy, but in general, they're pretty important on the scale of things guys look for in a woman.
Hey, Pesonality! I got that!
Wait, what?
(Note, always proof read if you can.)

Watch the video for 3:12 minutes of facts about breasts you didn't know before!
Or did you?

Booblogger out.