Another Boobs Exploding Story

Hey, anyone else noticing a trend?

Like how implants explode and try to kill people?

I mean, there was the one story about the lady saved from getting stabbed by her husband by her implants, but that's apparently not common. It's much easier to find stories about the implants exploding or trying to murder people.

So if you're considering a boob job, you should read all these posts first, and consider the risks.

Picture from www.digitalspy.com

Anyways, British model Danielle Lloyd had a mishap with her implants recently. Specifically, they swelled up to the size of her head and then exploded.

She lost a liter of blood, so like, over a quart of blood from this. They discovered blood clots during the removal surgery, potentially saving her life.

And then, and then! IT HAPPENED AGAIN TWO DAYS LATER.

"I looked like I had giant implants," she said. "I felt as though my breast exploded and this time it happened a lot faster than before.

"My left breast went down to literally nothing. It was just an empty sack while the right one was huge."

Yeah, how you feel about implants now?

Really good?

FALSE, YOU'RE AFRAID, LIKE YOU SHOULD BE.

Anyways, she stated that her marriage was going to happen, "With or without boobs."

Have to admire her persistence.

BOOB JOBS CAN KILL YOU.

(oYo)

Booblogger

Mud Wrestling, it's Gonna Make Your Boobs Explode

Remember my post about how that lady got shot with a paintball gun and her implant exploded?

And how Sharon Osbourne's just exploded for now reason?

Well now we can add mud wrestling to the list of things that causes awkward implant explosion.

Apparently there's this Swedish tv show called "Djungelns Drottning" ('Queen of the Jungle')and it's like... Survivor with only hot chicks in the jungle where one of the competitions is mud wrestling.

I need to find this channel.

Anyhow Blogger Lina Hellqvist, 24, is one of ten "beautiful big city girls" competing on the show, and she was part of the wild mud wrestling scene. It apparently got out of control, and ended up causing her implant in her right breast to dislodge.

"It was totally insane. It just burst," she told the Expressen newspaper.

"The other girls were also worried and wondered what was wrong. It was really unpleasant."

NO KIDDING. YOUR BOOBS BASICALLY EXPLODED.

If I was on that show, I would have been like, "Nope! I'm done, the end. Screw the jungle and mud wrestling. I like my boobs not exploded, thank, bye."

She's currently waiting to undergo reconstructive surgery. 

Ugh, that just creeps me out. You're wrestling some chick in some mud in the jungle, and her boobs just deflates and she starts screaming. What exactly are you supposed to do in that situation?

I'll tell you what I'd do, run like hell.

(oYo)

Booblogger

I'm Sorry, Your Nickname is Hilarious

So I like to do research on boobs every once in a while, but I really only find interesting things by really digging around.

And today while searching through a mass of very classily named adult sites, I found out that there's been two sports players with the apparently well known nickname of "Boob".

Boob Darling: "Bernard "Boob" Darling (born November 18, 1903) was an American football player. He played his entire five year career with the Green Bay Packers and was inducted into the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame in 1970."

Boob Fowler: "Joseph Chester "Boob" Fowler (November 11, 1900 – October 8, 1988) was a Major League Baseball shortstop. He played for the Cincinnati Reds (1923–1925) and Boston Red Sox (1926)."

Now I'm not super big into sports, but I know what locker room talk is like, and I bet that's a joke that never got old.

"Hey guys, I was in the shower and I saw Boob."

"No way, there's a dame in there?"

"Naw, just Boob Darling."

Now I'm just imagining guys in towels laughing really hard and slapping their knees.

Haha, those were the days.
I wonder how you get a nickname like that in sports.

Anyone know the back story?

(oYo)

Booblogger

The Delightful Sucker

I got to talk to one of my old teachers today, and he told me that he and his wife read my blog, and that reminded me that I should probably start writing it again, so here I am.

"Guess who's back, back again.

Shady's back."

No he's not, it's just me.

Anyways, I was on pictureisnotrelated.com, which I very much enjoy, and I ran across this gem.

Can you imagine someone using this in public?

"Oh, hello respectable looking man in a park, what have you got there? Oh, a nipple on top of a soda can, very classy. 

Children, get behind me."

I would run away from them.

There's probably some Freudian theory behind this product.

Because he liked his mom?

And she had boobs?

Get it?

Anyhow, I'll work on posting more!

(oYo)

Booblogger

Youtube Has a Manboob Controversy

Remember my post about the buy who murdered his neighbor over his manboobs?

Pretty crazy stuff.

Anyhow, Youtube employees are in the middle of an incredibly long debate, trying to figure out if manboobs (also known asgynecomastia) should be age restricted on Youtube. Apparently this is a pretty popular video category.

Picture from marvelousmanboobs.com. Yup, that's a real website.

Basically, they don't allow full nudity, but partial and non sexual nudity is allowed, and no one can quite seem to decide where the line falls for man boobs.

Victoria Grand, the Youtube director for global communications and policy has said that, "Literally, these are the things that we debate ferociously to the point that we don't sleep at night."

Seriously? You argue about manboobs until you can't sleep?

I can't sleep just thinking about them, let alone argue.

Apparently the videos of manboobs will have to be evaluated on a case by case basis, and I don't envy whoever has that job.

Bet they wished they worked at Disneyland instead.

You can read more about the debate by clicking here.

Opinions?

Should manboobs be restricted content?

(oYo)

Booblogger

Woman Saved From Death By...Implants?

You all know I'm not super pro breast implants, especially after hearing about how they can apparently start leaking for no reason, or explode if someone shoots them with a paintball gun.

But if these things are gonna save lives, that's another story.

You all remember my posts about the weird bulletproof bras, and the under wire that saved a woman's life, and even the emergency bra, and I never thought a day would come when I would add implants to the list of potential life saving devices.

But today, is that day.

Apparently some woman in Moscow was stabbed by her husband, and if her silicone implants hadn't stopped the knife, she could have died.

Funny note here, her husband had requested she get the boob job five years ago.

Anyhow, the implants were larger enough to stop the knife, and have her walk away basically injury free. She's already had the implant replaced. 

What a trooper.

I'm not saying you should all go get implants, in case your husband decides to stab you, and if you already have them, don't go start fights with strangers to see if this works.

I think you should all just buy bra holsters, and be safe.

(oYo)

Booblogger

Sharon Osbourne, She Had Leaking Implants.

Remember my post on how that girl in London got shot with a paintball, and her implant exploded?

Well, apparently something similar happened to Sharon Osbourne, but without the paintball.

Sharon reports that one morning she woke up and found one of her breasts to be different from the other.

After seeing a doctor, it was discovered that her implant had leaked. Some of the silicone from the implant had even gotten into her stomach wall, which, as you might guess, isn't super great health wise. 

Picture from celebritygoss.com.au

She has now had both implants removed, and says she is happy to be all natural again, and will apparently not miss the feeling of waterbeds floating on her chest.

Maybe she should have taken out some breast insurance to cover the costs.

As long as she's happy!

(oYo)

Booblogger

Bra Trick Makes a School Official Resign

Russell FitzGerald is the Chairman of the School Board in Massachusetts for 11 years. That changed quickly after he tried to practice his amateur magic on a fellow board member.

More specifically, a magic trick that made it appear as if he had removed her bra. 

Now, this might not have been a super big deal, these people have known each other for a while, and that's a pretty cool trick.

But this particular meeting was televised.

And instead of laughing, or applause, everyone was just really quiet.

 Picture from tauntongazette.com

 

 

 

Mr. FitzGerald, who is pictured above, with his cute cat, has said in interviews that the reaction from the trick was a factor in his resignation, and I think that's kind of sad.

People need to be educated about bra removal, so they don't break fingers.

We should applaud this man! He's got it figured out!

A man who can actually remove a bra. That's real magic.

(oYo)

Booblogger

Hey, Let Me Slap You In The Boobs, They'll Get Bigger

One of the only techniques I've really heard of for improving breast shape/size involves groping yourself to stimulate breast growth.

But beautician Khemmikka Na Songkhla in Bangkok has a different strategy.

She will, for a fee, slap you in the breasts, buttocks, or face, to tone your face and butt, and increase cup size. This is government approved, by the way.

Picture from funnyjunk.com

BUT!

She also says that she will refuse to help woman whose breasts are "too small to be enlarged".

If you click here, you can watch a video of the beautician in action, slapping a variety of Asian woman, sometimes in time to dance music.

Also, this is an "ancient art", but it hasn't been practiced much because "back then people didn't care about breast size." Fairly certain that is false.

Also, she is taking on students because she is currently the only one in the world with this knowledge, and she wants to pass this ancient art of slapping on to new generations, for a lot of money.

Picture frombangkokpost.com

But, I can tell you that I will slap you in the face/butt/breasts for much less then she will.

I haven't studied the ancient art of slapping for very long, but I have faith that I can catch on pretty fast.

Volunteers?

(oYo)

Booblogger

Dolly Parton, She Can Rap. About Boobs.

Remember my post about the child dressed as Dolly parton for Toddlers and Tiaras?

It sparked a little more research on the singer, and this what I found.

Dolly Parton recently rapped at one of her concerts.

About her breasts.

And Queen Latifah.

I have no words.

Seriously, none.

(oYo)

Booblogger

Kendra Wilkinson, She Would Eat Breast Milk Ice Cream

Picture zeusbox.com

Not gonna lie, I don't really know who Kendra Wilkinson is.

And all Google can tell me is she wants to bite Beyonce's butt, she apparently used to date Hugh Hefner, and she's drank her own breast milk before.

Wait, what?

Yes folks, you read that right. Apparently when she went to her first party after giving birth to her son, she started to leak. This is rather normal for women who have recently had babies, but what is not normal is breastfeeding yourself.

"My first party after giving birth to Hank, I went to Eve nightclub in Vegas and my boobs started leaking. I couldn't do anything so I breastfed myself. And it tasted sweet, too!"

Maybe she should visit London and get some lovely breast milk ice cream.

Picture from realbollywood.com

I just can't help but find it a little weird.

I guess she's already had it once before in her life anyways, right?

(oYo)

Booblogger

Toddlers and Tiaras, Now With More Fake Boobs

I LOVE Toddlers and Tiaras.

Believe me, it's not a choice. I don't want to love it. But I do.

It's such a fabulous demonstration of some of the worlds most batshit parents, and the absolute wreckage that occurs with most beauty show pageants.

But this....

This crosses the line.

Picture from tvnz.co.nz

This is four year old Maddy Jackson, dressed as Dolly Parton, and sporting the same assets.

The child is literally wearing boob, and butt, pads.

Now, Toddlers and Tiaras has never been the most... I don't know, natural show.

Parents smear their children with fake tan lotion, give them false eyelashes, hair extensions, anything and everything to put their child on top.

But this is just...

Weird.

Maddy's mother and grandmother support the use of the extra padding, claiming any of the prize money will go towards he education.

Yeah, because lots of pageant queens go on to college.

I mean, some do, but seriously guys? Come on. You're a GRANDMA for gods sake. My grandma would have whooped my ass. Except it would have been hard through all the padding.

Maddy's mother said on the Today show that, "When she wears the fake boobs and the fake butt, it's just like extra bonus."

Extra bonus of what? Child molesters following your child's pageant career?

You need some help lady.

But the judges gave Maddy's who good scores, saying she "looked the part" and that it was "cute".

She won prizes for Best Hair, as well as Most Photogenic.

What is the world coming to?

(oYo)

Booblogger

Dear Walgreens Lady, I Don't Want to See Your Boobs

You know how people who are doctors don't tell people that they're doctors, because of the fact that people then start showing them the gross weird scabby bits they have that need looking after?

Apparently, as a bra fit specialist, I get the same deal, but with breasts.

Sadly, this is not as exciting as one might imagine. 

Example:

I was at Walgreens a few days ago with a friend of mine before we went to dinner. While perusing the aisles, I found they sell the Ah bra. I have been debating getting one so I can stop making allegations about it and find out the truth, but I didn't feel like getting one then, and promptly started ranting about it instead.

And this lady just comes a wandering over after eyeballing me and listening to me rant about it, and starts talking.

Not to me mind you, but kind of to the bras.

"Oh, what's this? The Ah bra.... Ohhhhh.... Hmmmm." And she's looking at me out of the corner of her eye as she reaches for one, and it took all the self control I have not to slap it out of her hands and scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and then shake some sense into her.

But, luckily I am a master of self control, and I very calmly stated my profession and my personal beliefs as to why such a product would be ultimately unhelpful.

And she starts just telling me about how she used to have these great breasts out to here and she lost weight and now, "they're like thin flabby pancakes of skin that just hang down" while kind of shaking them towards me.

Now look folks.

I am a bra fit specialist. I see boobs everyday, and I'm used to it.

But that's at work. We are in public, and I am in no way getting paid to look at your flabby pancake breasts.

Sorry, but that's just how it goes.

So please, try to refrain from filling my mind with terrifying mental images of pancake breasts and old ladies.

I'd really appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Booblogger

(oYo)

Britney and Lady Gaga, Gettin' it on at the VMA's!

So, a good bit of my posts has been on celebrities lately, and that's fine, and generally they've had something to do with their breasts.

Like, Lady Gaga, taking her bra off to promote the VMA's.

Britney's potential breast leveling surgery.

But this one doesn't have much to do with breasts, but a lot to do with both of the aforementioned ladies, one of which was dressed in drag at the time of the incident.

Raise your hand if you remember when Britney and Madonna made out.

Cause I know I do. And apparently, I'm not the only one. When Britney went on stage to receive the Michael Jackson Vanguard Award from Jo Calderone (Lady Gaga's male alter ego from You & I), Jo started putting the moves on Britney.

Yes folks, if you didn't see it with your own eyes, Britney is making out with other female celebrities again.

Picture from media.zenfs.com

Britney seems pretty surprised, and a little freaked out by the whole thing, and Jo just keeps creepin' on her. Oh, Hollywood. How I love you.

Anyhow, you can click here to see the video because I can't find it on youtube. It's worth watching.

(oYo)

Booblogger

London Woman Gets Shot With Paintball, Implant Explodes

Picture from riotousassembly.wordpress.com

But apparently, not for girls with implants!

Apparently some 26 year old girl was playing paintball and got hit in the chest at about 190 mph with a paintball pellet, and felt more pain then usual.

Originally, she thought it had just bruised her really badly, but when she got around to seeing a doctor a few days later, he let her know that the impact had actually torn her soft gel implant.
My question is, wouldn't the gel like, leak? And wouldn't you notice that?

"Oh, my boob is oddly shaped, and kind of feels like a weird bag of runny jello."

Anyways, enough on that. Apparently the Paintzone Paintball Park, where this young lady was shot, will be offering extra chest padding in the future. All you have to do is call ahead of time, be like, "I have fake boobs that I don't want exploding", give them your bra size and they'll have something all ready for you when you come in.

How nice of them.

The estimated cost of damage for the exploded implant was quoted at around £3,000, which is just under $5,000 dollars.

Douglas McGeorge, the former president of the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons said: "This is very, very unusual and this woman was very unlucky. I imagine she was quite slim because the paintball would have had to pierce the skin to rupture the implant. I have heard some odd stories over the years but this is one of the strangest."
Strange indeed Douglas McGeorge, strange indeed.

Also, probably incredibly painful.

Just...
Ow.

Also, I wonder if maybe she'd had one of those crazy German bullet proof bras, maybe she would have been fine?

(oYo)
Booblogger

London Man Breaks Finger Trying To Remove Bra

Let's just face it. Most guys suck absolute face at removing bras competently.
Mostly because they get caught up in the moment and just start twisting the absolute junk out of the clasp in the hopes that it will either break, or the girl will get frustrated and take care of it herself.

Exactly.

But apparently a London man took this failure to whole new level, and was actually admitted to a hospital after breaking his finger trying to remove his lady friends bra.

'"He caught his left middle finger between the double straps that extended inferiorly from the acromion to the left breast, and in so doing, sustained a force ulnar abduction rotatory injury of the proximal interphalangeal joint." A reconstructive surgeon told the UK Daily Mail this is the type of injury "more commonly associated with sport, particularly rock climbing."'

Rock climbing? Sports? Wow. You sir, absolutely fail.

The Journal said surveys show that 40% of men aged 30-40 have similar trouble removing bras, and could likely end up in the same situation.

The average amount of time it takes for a man to remove a bra using both hands is about 27 seconds. Men who are right handed removing a bra with their left hand average 58. But the guy with high score? 20 minutes.

20 FREAKING MINUTES.

I just... I don't even.
Please men, for your own sake, find an open minded lady and let her teach you how to take a bra off. Every woman you meet in the future romantically, or in a way that you need to remove her bra for, will thank you.

Off to go teach some college kids how it's done!
(oYo)
Booblogger

Kirsten Dunst, "My Boobs Are Too Big For This Video Game!"

So, funny thing. I was looking a little more into Kirsten Dunst's boobs, and found that in 2004 she requested that her animated breasts be reduced in the Spiderman 2 game.

“I got to approve the video game, the way she looks," Dunst said. "They made her boobs gigantic. I was like, 'Tone down the boobs, please!' It was a little ridiculous.”

Picture from Virginmedia.com

Which is funny, because now she is apparently super ok with her breasts. Which is good, because everyone should be ok with their breasts.
Video games are notorious for having exaggerated frontal assets though, so if she was surprised, I would laugh.

Which by the way, I have a few posts that will be showing up on that subject later.

(oYo)
Booblogger out to play Spiderman 2.

Meatpacking District to Get A Boob Job

A boob removal, to be exact.
Apparently in 2008, somebody decided they should put up giant stone boobs in a bunch of the plazas on Ninth Avenue.

Picture from nypost.com

I think this was a much better idea in their head, as the giant stone busts (HAHAHAHA) are apparently going to be removed soon, because people are tired of the boobs jokes.

Also, no offence, but those are not the more beautiful boobs I've ever seen made out of stone.

""They’re the breasts. They just sit out there and do nothing," said Matt DeMatt, owner of the Gaslight Lounge on Ninth Avenue, of the round mounds capped by nippled-shaped white cones."

Matt DeMatt, I have two things to say to you.

1. What do you think boobs normally do?
2. Your name is pretty weird. Just saying.

Thoughts on boobs as public art projects/barricades of plazas?
I can't say I'm exactly for it. I would have just stationed topless ladies where the giant stone boobs are instead. But that's just me.

(oYo)
Booblogger

Hitler, Now With More Breast Tissue

Here's what it would have looked like:

Picture from Whiterabbitcult.com

Just kidding, that's messed up. 

So, I like to use the internet to try and find you, my lovely readers, fancy new stories.

And today, I found a real knock out one.

Apparently, one strategy found among the many created by the Brits to bring Hitler down was to lace his food with, not poison, but estrogen.



Picture from Tumblr.com



The plan was to “make him less aggressive and more like his docile younger sister Paula, who worked as a secretary.”


Apparently estrogen was an easy choice because it was tasteless, and relatively slow with bringing forth results, so it wouldn't be detected by the leader or his food testers.


I mean, this is a pretty inspired plan. I want to know what military member presented this as a plan. And, I want to know why it was never used.

If they had used the estrogen used in sex-reassignment therapy, " Hitler may have eventually noticed that he was growing breasts, that his nipples and areolae were enlarging, and his body-fat redistributing to be more feminine. In addition, his singular testicle would have likely started to shrivel (he only had one—look it up) and much of his body hair would have fallen out."




Picture from tumblr.com



Which would have been pretty interesting, considering Hitler didn't exactly love homosexuals, or the transgendered.

Someone build me a time machine. It's time to change history (And Hitler!)


Booblogger out.
(oYo)

The Change Up, Featuring CGI Boobs

So who's seen The Change Up? I haven't had a chance to see it yet, but you can bet your pants loving ass I will go see it, because hello. Olivia Wilde and Ryan Reynolds?
Uhm, yes. I will watch them get busy on the big screen.


Picture from gq.com

 But, it should be noted that if you go see the movie, watch for Olivia Wilde's CGI nipples.
Yup. You read that right. Apparently while they were filming the scenes, she wore pasties, which is totally normal. But they ended up showing up in a lot of the shots, and instead of reshooting, they just decided to digitally overwrote them with CGI versions.

The best part?

She got to choose which version of the nipple they put onscreen.

Apparently producers sent her email with seven different versions of the nipple attached, and asked her to choose which ones she'd prefer to have featured onscreen.

Quote, "Please review nipple cover shot one through seven and decide which one is most like the original."

Haha, can you just imagine? Trying to sift through a bunch of fake, computer created nipples, and trying to figure out which one looks most like yours?

 Also, someone had to create them.
I just have this mental image of some computer nerd, squinting at a bunch of nipple pictures, trying to replicate ones that he imagines are like her nipples.
God, I want his job.

Booblogger out.
(oYo)