Saturday, October 30, 2010

Bras and Your Body

We just talked about body shape.
So why is this important to us, in the bra world?
I'll tell you.
Body shape has EVERYTHING to do with bras.
If you're tube shaped, usually you'll have strap problems, because you have skinny or narrow shoulders. Tube shapes often need a u back, or ballet back, bra to keep their straps on.

Hourglass shapes are often full  busted, meaning their band size and chest size may not make much sense. This is often where you see a small band, but a large chest. Bras for this size are hard to find and design, because you can't rely on the same structural integrity a normally proportioned bra has. (Size examples: 32 C, 32/34 D)

Apple shapes usually have incorrect measurements when they try to get fitted, because they slim as you progress down their body. So if an apple measures a 38 B, they might actually be a 36 B or C.

Pear shapes usually have the same problems are tube shapes, and need bras with special straps to keep them on.

This has been your peek into why your body type is important to know!
Stay tuned for later updates!

Booblogger out!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Body Shape

Generally, most parts of our bodies are proportional. But sometimes, we have one part of our body that's way different from the rest. The four standard types:


Tube is where the body is mostly straight, Generally thin, this body type is slim hipped with small framed shoulders.
This doesn't mean girls like this don't have breasts or a bum, but they usually don't extend width wise in those areas.

This is a body type which is, well, like an hourglass.
Slim waisted, but usually with defined hips and and a chest that is bigger than the waist.

This is sometimes referred to as full busted. This body type has a small lower body and usually a full bust or large chest.

Pear shaped girls have wide hips, and usually a small bust.

These are really easy to remember. Basically they look exactly like what they're called. Things have names for a reason.
Later we'll discuss why these shapes are important.

Booblogger out!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The iLoo

On April 30, 2003 Microsoft (UK division) announced that they would be releasing what they called an iLoo at music festivals in the summer of 03.
For our friends who don't know British slang, that's iPotty.
This fancy dancy potty would include:
~Wireless keyboard
~A height adjustable flat plasma screen
~A six channel surround sound speaker system under the sink
~Broadband internet access
~Toilet paper with url suggestions printed on it
~A toilet equipped with vacuum suction
You know, for any discrepencies in your aim.
But let's think about this.
Music festivals+beer+drunk people+toilets+technology=?
I'm guessing something awful.
Like, isn't someone going to throw up on the speaker system? Or pee on the keyboard?
God only knows what would go on in there, and no one else wants to know.
God doesn't want to know.
Microsoft said they would have a security guard and cleaner standing watch over the precious potty, to ensure cleanliness and sanity.
I don't think anyone from Microsoft has actually been to a music festival, or they would have understood how awful this idea is.
When the media went into a frenzy with questions, and emotions ran high, Microsoft announced the product was a hoax.
Which is funny because:
A. It was after April 1st
B. Miscrosoft had never had a hoax product before (Unlike many other companies)
C. This was two weeks after the products debute

The next day, they announced that it wasn't a hoax.
Microsoft was being a teensy bit confusing. They finally admitted the product has been under serious development, and the team had worked really hard.

But I guess headquarters shut it down.
And I mean, it's kind of hard to disagree with that decision.

Booblogger out!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010


What exactly is shapewear?
Shapewear is a garment, which is worn under normal clothes, that enhances your body.
To make this very clear, shapewear does not change the shape of your body, it only enhances what you already have.

Shapewear usually comes in three kinds of holds

Has a weave that allows for a little bit more natural enhancing
Is the most comfortable of shapewear options.
Smooth, and shapes
Thin and usually seamless

Has a weave that is between comfort and enhancement
Smooths and shapes
Also lifts and tones

Tightest weave of all shapewear
Least comfortable
Compresses or molds
Occasionally involves strong seams and boning

Most shapewear is not an everyday buy. It's generally for a special occasion, but it's becoming more and more common for a light shapewear to be worn everyday.
This sort of thing ages way back. Think corsets and garters. Women have always wanted to look their best, and shapewear can help you do that.
New developments in shapewear are the new fabrics, which are lightweight, stretchy microfibers
This means the fabric will be very smooth, and any fabric worn over it will lay perfectly.
The other development is laser cut edges, making the fit and lay of shapewear more perfect than ever before.

Types of Shapewear-Targeted Area

Brief-Stomach and Bottom
Shaped like a panty
Comes in all ranges of control
Everyday or special occasion

Waist Slimmer-Waist
Shapes and defines waist

High Waisted Brief-Waist, Stomach and Bottom
Smooths, shapes and compresses
Defines waist
Perfect under dresses

Thigh Slimmer-Stomach Thighs and Bottom
High Waisted Thigh Slimmer-Waist, Thighs, Stomach and Bottom
Shaping Camisole-Midriff, Back and Waist
Torsette-Midriff, Back and Waist
Singlet-Midriff and Waist
Body Briefer-Total Body Management

Those pretty much explain themselves.
So go forth my students into the world of shapewear! More on body shapes in my next post!

Booblogger out!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Sleep, Sport and Leisure Bras

I like to sleep.
And I like to be leisurely.
And I sort of like sports.
But sometimes my boobs don't.
Some women find sleeping or playing sports without a bra uncomfortable. But it's very important to not have an underwire bra involved in these activities.
Why? Underwire is meant for support when you're vertical and not overly active.
When you jump up and down, or make your breasts bounce, underwire can cut into your breasts and cause discomfort. When you're sleeping, your breasts distribute differently than they do when you're standing up.
A bra without underwire provides different support when you're sleeping.
These bras are all basically the same thing.
They are usually strong strapped, non underwire, unmolded cup bras.
They should cover the breast entirely, provided room for the breasts to move and feel comfortable.
These bras are not meant to be worn for very long. They are for short periods when an underwire bra would not work for your purposes.

Sometimes, if you have bigger breasts, these bras will have a racer back.

Racerback: An alternate kind of strap that connects to the back, goes straight up the middle of the back and goes into separate straps over the shoulder. They provide very strong support for your bouncing boobies.

So support your breasts the right way! When you're not following normal day activities, or a bra with underwire is uncomfortable, you should wear a sleep/sport/leisure bra.
Treat your breasts right!!!

Booblogger out!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Bra Care

My guess is that at least 80% of women don't care if their bras correctly. (Also, 8 out of 10 women wear the wrong size bra. Check out sizing to figure out if you're one of those 8 women)

Bras are not meant to be worn for more than about 180 days, and never for more than one day at a time. You should have at least seven different bras, to cycle through so you don't wear a bra out faster than necessary.

To find out if you're a bra abuser, go through this check list and see if you've done these things.

~I've worn a bra for more than one day in a row
~I wash my bra in the waching machine
~I dry my bra in the drier
~I don't clasp my bra when I wash it or put it away
~My bra gets tossed in a drawer after it's clean

If you answered yes to ANY of these, you're a bra abuser.
Just saying.

Here's what you should do:
~After you have worn your bra, you should wash it.
~Never wear the bar more than one day in a row.
~When you wash your bra, use your hands. You have them for a reason.
~You should use a soap that is mild, but will remove oils from the fabric.
~Than you should hang your bra to air dry, after making sure the hooks are still hooked and the cups look right.
~When the bra is fully dry, either lay it flat in a drawer, stacking it on other bras like fallen dominos, or fold it in half, tuck one cup into the other, and set it in the drawer.

IF you MUST wash your bra in the washing machine, you must:
~Buy a intimate apparel bag.
~Put the bra in the bag, with the hooks all closed.
~Wash on the delicate cycle, with a cold rinse.
~Hang your bra
~Follow instructions for putting it away from the handwash instructions.

Do it, and I will come find you. That is a crime worthy of... some sort of nasty punishment.
Probably involving lemon juice and paper cuts and fire ants.

Your bra is meant to be used for only about 180 days, and following these instructions will make sure you don't shorten your bras life span.
Be nice to your bras, so they can be nice to you!
Let me know if you have other bra care questions or tips!

Booblogger out!

Very Extremely Extra Large Breasts

Anything above a DD is a Very Extremely Extra Large Breast. (VEELB for our purposes)
While these cupsizes can be one hundred percent natural, sometimes they're not. One great joy of my job is showing someone who recently went from a 36 C to a 36 DDD via surgery that all their bra options are now quite unattractive.
I'm not very pro boob job, in case you're wondering, but I respect the decision.
Breasts this size tend to come with a bigger band size, and very restricted bra type.
We're talking bras with four to five hook eye closures, strong padded straps, and very limited underwire.
"But you said underwire is GOOD for support!"
These are sizes that need a new kind of support, often seen as an "M" style wireless unmolded bra.
They're generally for women who have aged a bit, and put on some weight all over, and in their cups.
They need the strong M shape to keep everything under control, and comfortable.

Recommended bras:
Underwire, strong strap, non molded cup bra with a minimizer
M frame bra with strong padded strap and no wire or molded cup.

These bras need a lot more personalization, so if you have any questions on these, let me know, so I can add more stuff in.

Booblogger out!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Large Boobs

Large: Large C to DD

These breasts are big.
If the phrase more than a handful is a waste is true, girls, you're wasting some boob.
I don't think that phrase is true at all, just saying.
Large breasts are generally desired by society. Some women get lucky and have large breasts with some solid self support, but most of the time, they have a little bit of a fight with gravity. Most bras in this size are limited, with little push up and generally not as cute as a B.
They focus more on function rather than design, which is a bit sad because people want pretty bras.
These kind of bras will usually start having something called a "spa closure" on the back, with three of four hooks instead of the two most smaller cupped bras have.
Also, you might see wider straps. These are because larger breasts need a bit more support than smaller boobs, so we use our shoulders more. This can cause indentations in the shoulder if worn incorrectly.
These bras will also start showing up in more and more unmolded cups so as to use a fashion called a minimizer. These distribute breast tissue in a different fashion, to make your breasts look smaller, and not strain your shirt buttons.
As far as I'm concerned, girls in this size should never go without an underwire. Unless you like pancake breast. And if you do, go forth, my underwireless girls, and be brave!

A great bonus of large boobs is if you tuck something between them, generally, it's not going anywhere.
I once held five cell phones in my bra.
On a roller coaster.
That went upside down.
So what now?

Guys seems to dig large breasts
They can protect you
They have lots of support!
You can hide stuff in your bra.

Cute bras are hard to find
Insecurity for some women
Back problems and discomfort!
Lots of hooks

Best bra option for upsizing:
Lightly padded molded cup underwire bra

Best bra option for support:
Cushioned strap, spa back molded cup with underwire/non underwire

Best bra option for support and push up:
Cushioned strap with molded cup, lightly padded underwire

Best bra option for minimizer:
Underwire, unmolded cup

Best bra option for strapless:
Underwire, molded cup with very strong rubber on the wings or clear straps

If you're looking for any other bra suggestions for this size, let me know, and I'll add it in!

Booblogger outtie!

Monday, October 4, 2010


Recently, I had the pleasure of visiting my doctors office.
I was there for a routine health check, which as you might know, involves peeing.
In a little tiny plastic cup.
So they send me on my merry way to the bathroom, and right across from the toilet is a basket of plastic cups, safely and sanitarily sealed in their little plastic bags, nestling on fake grass.
I never understood the attraction to fake grass. Like, it isn't a natural habitat for plastic cups. They don't frolic about like puppies on it, enjoying the sunshine.
And I know I'm inside. You don't have to try and convince me I'm actually experiencing the outdoors. I just have to pee in this cup.
Next to the basket are some sharpies, so I can mark my cup, and above that are some convenient directions.
Because apparently when you pee in a cup, you have to follow the directions or you screw everything up.
These directions told me everything from how to open my cup bag without contamination, to postioning it, to opening the sharpie, to putting it in a little metal box.
But what it didn't tell me was when to take my pants off.
They had directions for guys too, but also no step involving actually removing, or even unzipping, your pants.
And while it's fairly obvious to me that you can't pee in a cup if you're wearing pants, it still freaked me out.
Was I supposed to do that before I opened the cup? Had I contaminated the sample by touching my zipper?

 I mean, it assumes I don't know that I have to take the lid off the sharpie to write, so that hardly makes sense.

Henceforth, we flounder without direction.
Or, I do at least.
Anyone else have some interesting experiences with directions?

Booblogger out.

Why Boob is the Breast Word Out There

So this is our first guest article by blogger RaBecca W. (AKA Boobear) who will probably be contributing regularly to our blogs, so be nice to her, and buy her cookies and polar bears. (You can find her in our list of followers!)
This is about how boob is the perfect word for, well, boobs.
'Ello boob fanatics.

Any of y'all ever see that picture, the one that explains why “Boob” is the perfect word? In case you haven't, let me explain.

First, we need the word: Boob.

Take a look at that capital ”B” there. What does that look like? Thats right- it's an aerial view of the lovely jubblies, providing that they are not covered by clothes... Anywho. Now you look at the two “oo”s goin'on there. See that? Just stick some nipples inside each “o” and you've got some gorgeous naked mammalian protuberances. Yes, I went there. Some medical mumbo jumbo, making me seem all smart...Ahem! Back to boobs. This may be the hardest part to notice, but when you look at that lowercase “b” you will see a perfect side view of... well... a tit. Yeah, sorry, no clever name there. Don't hate.

So there's just a little piece on why “Boob” is the perfect word. If I knew who the creator of that clever analysis was, I would cite them for you. However, they've been lost in the millions and millions of web pages and cutesy blogs and probably will never be given the proper credit.

So yeah, you, if you came up with this, you're cool.

Peace out, Homeslice-
The BooBear

Sunday, October 3, 2010


How do you know what size your boobs are?
Should you guess?
Should just research your family history?
Should you just layer on 18 different bras until one looks ok?


Maybe the second one, but not the other two. Sometimes your family history can be an idicator, but sometimes you can be an outlier.
My family has never gone above a solid C or small D, but I'm a DD easily.

What you'll need to measure:
Your boobs
A tape measure
A bra that isn't a sports bra that feels like it fits the best out of all your bras.

Optional items:
A packet of Taco Bell hot sauce
A flower shaped pillow
A seat belt belt

The process:
1. Take the tape measure and lay it flat across your back, taking it under your arms above your breasts. DO NOT DO THIS TIGHTLY. Note that number: _____
(This is your band size)
2. Lower the tape measure so when you take the tape measure across the fullest point of the breast that it's a straight line. DO NOT DO THIS TIGHTLY. Note that number: ____
(This is your cup size)
3. If you subtract the number from step 1 from step 2, the number you get from that will explain your bra measurement.

1. 36
2. 38
3 36B

Each inch more measurement 2 is from measurement 1 is a cup size.

This is a starting point. A reference, A jumping off point.
You are Geronimo. These measurements are your rock.
At the bottom is your perfect bra size.

Once you measure and find that point, take an underwire molded cup non push up bra and test sizes.
When you find one that isn't tight, doesn't hurt and isn't overall suck, you've got it!
(That's a different guy, by the way)

Mind you, not every kind of bra will fit the same.
You should always try on a bra before you buy it if it's at all possible.
A demi cup may fit differently than a full coverage, which may be different from a push up.

So play around with it!
Find what fits right and looks good, and remember that you can always go to someplace that does fittings and get a double check on how your bra looks!

Booblogger outtie!

Medium Boobs

For further classification, medium breasts are anything from a B to a C.
These are the most common sizes in a bra.
So luckily, you will basically find any kind of bra you want, any color, any style.
Lucky bitches.
These boobs have natural perkiness to them, and generally a good shape.
Sometimes these girls can get away with not wearing a bra, but gravity still applies to them.
A new size that's been kind of introduced to the bra spectrum is a 40 B.
Now, I might not have mentioned this, but the major band sizes are 34-38.
But once you get into a band size 40, you're generally going to be in a bigger cup size.
There are some girls out there who have smaller breasts, and a wide chest, hence the new size.
They even make great supportive non underwire bras for this size.

In summary:

Good lift
Natural shapping
You will find your size in every cute bra ever made

Cons: Gravity applies

Best bra option for upsizing:
Underwire molded cup maximum push up bra

Best bra option for support:
Underwire/non underwire molded/unmolded bra

Best option between support and push up:
Underwire/non underwire molded push up bra.

Best minimizer:
Underwire unmolded bra

Booblogger out!

Small Boobs

To make this easier, I'm going to do some sterotyping.
Which by the way, typing with a stereo is not very easy.
On to the catergorizing!
For our purposes, we will define small boobs as: AA, A, and sometimes B.
A double is basically the smallest boobs possible are a AA, where the tape measure under the arms is the same as the bust measurement.
Small boobs are good because they have a natural lift and perkiness to them. Women with smaller breast are lucky because quite often, they can get away with not wearing a bra.
But the problem with small breasts is some women don't like them. Most women try to make their breasts look bigger by utilizing a push up bra.
95% of the push up bras you will find will be underwire, but there are a few non underwire bras with some push up tp them.
A small boob will generally sit quite high on the chest, and you'll notice that most small cupped bras have a cup that's mostly padding with just a little area at the top for the breast to rest in.
Generally the pdding is like rocks, so small breasted girls, these can double as a boost, and a self defense weapon. Versatile!
Often, small breasted girls have... uhm... active nipples.
Meaning, you're going to see their nipples. Even if it isn't cold.
So sometimes that's a little weird.

So to summarize:

Less need of a bra
Bras are also weapons!

Sometimes a confidence drain
Sometimes they have stabby nipples

Best bra option for up sizing:
Underwire maximum padded molded cup bra

Best bra option for support:
Underwire molded/unmolded

Best option between support and push up:
Underwire molded cup with medium push up.

That's all I can tell you girlies, but my breasts don't fit in this catergory, so I'm gonna work on getting a guest writer to add a part two later!

Booblogger out.

Friday, October 1, 2010

The Nobel Peace Prize

Time for our first "And More" section
Alfred Nobel was pretty much a bad ass Swedish dude.
When most countries was on the rise, he contributed to society his expertise in the field of long range explosives.
Translate to:
He blew shit up, and he was good at it.
He basically sped up the process of building and leveling, with dynamite and other stuff that goes boom in the night.
But not everyone thought he was so great.
Alfred Nobel was in France on April 13th, 1888.
The day he died.
Only not really. His brother Ludwig had died, and newspapers had mixed them up.
But he got to read his own obituary, and found it not quite to his liking.
The newspaper reflected all of the negative views, the quotes of everyone saying he had created the arms race, escalated weapons beyond belief and was, in general, a monster.
So, in an effort to execute some spin control, Alfred Nobel used his wealth to create many prizes in the several various areas, including peace.
Leaving us with the amazing, the wonderful, the peaceful, Nobel Peace Prize.

Food for thought, yes?
Booblogger out.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Boobs and Bras: The Basics

Boobs are amazing.
They can feed babies, cushion blows, and even keep you (and someone else ;D) warm in the winter.
But no one has the exact same boobs as anyone else. Like stars and snowflakes, boobs are unique entites, and must be treated with reverance and respect.

Boobs: Breast tissue attached to the chest, designed to nuture children.

The reason your boobs and my boobs are different boils down to two factors:


1. If you are a man, our boobs will be different.
2. If you're a woman, chances are your breast tissue has been distributed differently than mine.
This could be because of your past, your family history, and how you treat your boobs.
How you treat your boobs relates directly to your bra.

Bras come in all shapes, sizes and styles.
There are demis, push ups, unlined, underwire, strapless, stick on, bandeau, wireless, padded, molded cup, etc.
We'll cover those later. ;D (Get it? Because you cover your boobs with your bras?)
The bra you buy will be the main factor in what happens to your boobs over time.

The most common type of bra is a molded cup underwire bra.
These are standard bras with a shaped cups for your boobs, generally about 1/16th of an inch thick, with a wire attached to the cup for support of the breast tissue.

Second most common is the underwire push up bra.
This bra also has a molded cup, but the bottom of the cup has more padding to it. Some brands of bra will also do a little bit of padding on the side to make the ultimate effect. Basically your boob will rest on top of the padding, or will kind of be wedged against it, snug as a bug, depending on brand or style.

That's all for now folks!
Booblogger out!


Let me properly introduce myself.

I am an American.

There's few things Americans love more than boobs, and those things are burgers, sex, and good old fashioned American patriotism.
So this blog is about boobs,
But it won't only be about boobs, sorry to disappoint. I plan to cover such other loveable topics like cupcakes, dinosaurs, barracudas, Chuck Norris, and other such topics.
So be prepared to be taken by surprise!
I would suggest you pack up your backpack with some cans of tuna, some clean undies and some liquid nitrogen.

Until next time.
Booblogger out.