Monday, October 4, 2010


Recently, I had the pleasure of visiting my doctors office.
I was there for a routine health check, which as you might know, involves peeing.
In a little tiny plastic cup.
So they send me on my merry way to the bathroom, and right across from the toilet is a basket of plastic cups, safely and sanitarily sealed in their little plastic bags, nestling on fake grass.
I never understood the attraction to fake grass. Like, it isn't a natural habitat for plastic cups. They don't frolic about like puppies on it, enjoying the sunshine.
And I know I'm inside. You don't have to try and convince me I'm actually experiencing the outdoors. I just have to pee in this cup.
Next to the basket are some sharpies, so I can mark my cup, and above that are some convenient directions.
Because apparently when you pee in a cup, you have to follow the directions or you screw everything up.
These directions told me everything from how to open my cup bag without contamination, to postioning it, to opening the sharpie, to putting it in a little metal box.
But what it didn't tell me was when to take my pants off.
They had directions for guys too, but also no step involving actually removing, or even unzipping, your pants.
And while it's fairly obvious to me that you can't pee in a cup if you're wearing pants, it still freaked me out.
Was I supposed to do that before I opened the cup? Had I contaminated the sample by touching my zipper?

 I mean, it assumes I don't know that I have to take the lid off the sharpie to write, so that hardly makes sense.

Henceforth, we flounder without direction.
Or, I do at least.
Anyone else have some interesting experiences with directions?

Booblogger out.

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