Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Tax Payers Are Paying For... Boob Jobs?

Oh my god, ok.
This is maybe the best story ever, especially since I just went through paying my taxes and all that and it turns out waitressing makes your taxes suck ass.
But I like to know my tax dollars are at work.
I try to use this excuse when I speed.
"No, officer, you don't understand. I saw you. But I also pay your salary. I was just making sure you were paying attention, so it's not going to waste. So I'll just go now."
Not as effective as you might think.
Unless you thought it would never work, in which case you're right. 
Anyhow, no more ranting about speeding tickets, on to the main event.


Josie Cunningham is a 22 year old telemarketer who has two kids, and wants to be a model.
Recently, she got two steps closer to her goal.
And by two steps, I mean two breast implants.
See what I did there?
Picture from
Anyhow, basically, she convinced her physician that her flat, 32A breats, were causing her emotional distress. That's her above with her new 36DD assets.

"I just got emotional when I was explaining to my GP that I felt I couldn't live a full life the way I was and he agreed to refer me for implant surgery. I could never go on holiday as I lived in terror of ever being seen in a bikini and could never set foot outside without a padded bra. The doctors said they'd never seen anything like it and believed me when I burst into tears and told them it was ruining my life." 

Apparently Cunningham was the first patient that had ever been seen with zero percent breast tissue. 
I have no idea how that happens.

"He said he'd have to give me 36DD implants costing £4,795 [$7260] just to achieve the appearance of a 36C - because there was literally nothing there in the first place."

Also, that makes no sense. If there's nothing there, why would the size be different once they were in?
Aspiring Model Scores State-Funded Boob Job After Convincing Doctor Her Flat Chest Was Causing Her 'Emotional Distress'
Before and after (Picture from

Her plan on how to give back to the taxpayers who funded her augmentation? Leave her two sons, five and two years old, at home and take the London clubs by storm.

"I've even started to collect Louis Vuitton handbags and have ordered a chihuahua puppy. The sky's the limit now I've got my new boobs."
Sooooo... Let me clarify.
You can't afford a boob job. But you can collect Louis Vuitton handbags, which are like, thousands of dollars ( I KNOW, BECAUSE I LOOKED) and a chihuahua puppy? Which, if you're buying Louis Vuitton, my guess is you're gonna get that purebred shit, which can be like a $1,000 easily (Looked that up too), not including food and the little Louis Vuitton poop bags.

Matthew Sinclair, Chief Executive of the TaxPayers' Alliance has said, "The NHS is there for people with serious medical needs, not as a means of helping wannabes who fancy a career in modelling. NHS bosses must not allow the system to be manipulated by people wanting cosmetic surgery merely to enhance their career prospects."

You can watch a video of her talking about all this here.

Haha, so awesome.
I think I'd almost rather have my tax dollars pay for boob jobs.
Except I kind of don't like them.
I wonder if Obama-care covers this kind of thing.


Holly Hagan, Flipping Implants

Remember all my posts about implants and how I don't really like them?
I mean, what with the exploding implants, not just once, but twice?
And the random leaking?
And all sort sof other ones?
Yeah, I think you remember now.
Anyhow, on to my point.

Holly Hagan from Geordie Shore (Jersey Shore knockoff? I don't know, if I wanted to watch orange people, I will watch Willy Wonka, thanks.) had her implants flip around.
Inside her boobs.


Picture from

This is Holly by the way, looking relatively cheering, considering just a short while ago she was quoted as saying, "My nipples were pointing to the floor. I had the boobs of a 90-year-old woman – I’ve seen grannies with better boobs than I had!"

Uhm, one.

Why are you checking out old lady boobs?
I call fetish.

Apparently the implants moved around because she lost weight, which I didn't know really happened, but apparently it does.
Here's a quote about what that was like. (NOT FOR THE WEAK STOMACHED WITH A GOOD VISUAL IMAGINATION)

"I remember being in the shower and because there was so much saggy skin the implant could move around. It was flipping inside of me and turned back to front. It was scary. I was like: ‘What the hell’s happened? I eventually managed to flip the implant back round by myself, but I was too scared to touch them or do anything. I was petrified."

That's freaking terrifying.
So I hope I've talked someone out of a boob job, other then my roommate. 
Your boobs are wonderful, and if you think they look like old lady boobs, ditching your bra SUPPOSEDLY helps.
I'm still skeptical.


Thursday, April 11, 2013

Best Tumblr Ever?

When I looked up pictures of "girls holding their boobs", which, don't question my life choices, you don't know me, I found what may be the best blog ever.
Only potential competition I can find is Food and Boobs, which I love dearly, and was featured on once. (And mine. Duh.)

The tumblr is called...

It's beautiful.
Truly beautiful.
And now I have a whole new way to waste time while enjoying pictures of girls holding their boobs.
Best search engine choice ever.
Picture from


Bras Make Your Boobs Sag

Today, French scientists announced that women who wear bras actually have saggier breasts than women who don't.

These are apparently the results of a fifteen year study done by Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, from the University of Besancon who says “Medically, physiologically, anatomically – breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity. On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra”. 

Picture from

Shut your big fat negative (french) wordsy mouth. (No offense France. Also, Archer reference.)

Because that means that my whole life has been a lie, and it's too late.

Professor Rouillon has spent 15 years measuring the changes in the orientation of the breasts of 130 women with a slide rule and caliper at the University Hospital in Besancon. 

A 28 year old participant named Capucine hasn't worn a bra for two years and says:“There are multiple benefits: I breathe more easily, I carry myself better, and I have less back pain.”

I have no words.
My whole life, my passion is...

I need some time to think this over.


Monday, December 3, 2012

Bra Burning, It's All Been A Lie

A lot of people associate Feminism with the image of crazy, radical girls in the 60's setting their bras on fire to protest gender discrimination. 

Funny story.
That never actually happened.

Finally Feminism 101 had a post in response to a question about how the whole bra buring this is a a false memory harbored by a lot of people, and how it was never actually a thing that happened.

"The stereotype of the “bra-burning feminist” is one that remains today as a sort of feminist bogeyman to scare women (and men) away from the movement by pointing out how “ridiculous” and “radical” feminists are. The rub is, feminists never burned their bras as a political statement."(

Picture from
The false image is estimated to come from one of the very first protests. During a picketing of a Miss America beauty pageant, the group of women "crowned a live sheep, and dumped girdles, cosmetics, high-heeled shoes, and bras into a “freedom trash can”" ( A print article flippantly referenced "bra-burning" when discussing the event and the phrase stuck, identifying all feminists as bra-burning radicals.

Apparently the women wanted to burn the bras, along with other "instruments of female torture" but the police department wouldn't let them. However, Carol Hanisch who had a part in organizing the protest takes a more amused stance on the memory saying, 

"We had intended to burn it, but the police department, since we were on the boardwalk, wouldn't let us do the burning. I often say that if they had called us 'girdle burners,' every woman in America would have run to join us." (

It's funny to think that a revolution that has inspired so many women has a myth that is consistent perpetuated and has been for quite a long time. The writer of the post on Finally Feminism makes a good point though.

"It’s important to remember that, even though the particular claim is a myth, the act that it symbolized — a rejection of patriarchal beauty standards and the trappings that go with them — is absolutely a feminist cause and not trivial at all."

To think, only a few dozen years ago, women had to protest to be allowed to wear pants. PANTS. And we had "freedom trash cans". It was truly a different time.

Interestingly enough to me, most feminist arguments I've heard lately are more about the right to wear skirts, mostly in reference to rape cases where judges designate blame to the victim for how she was dressed. In the picture on the left you can see a sign from a protest that's garnered a lot of attention.

We live in a strange world, and I find it a little weird that we still have to protest stuff like this. That we would designate blame to a victim of rape because of their clothes is like telling a victim of a hit and run accident it's their fault because they were walking.

Thank god for the American legal system. Oh, and good old gender discrimination.


Implants, The Pros And Cons

So, you all know how I'm like, pretty much against breast enhancement right?
If you don't know that, feel free to refer to the post about how Shannon Osbourne and Danielle Lloyd implants exploded, for no reason. Or how that British lady just wanted to play paintball, and hers exploded. Or the lady on that weird survivor show who was mud wrestling and hers exploded.

Get it? Implants explode.
Guess what natural boobs don't do on a normal basis?

Now, I can see the argument for getting a breast augmentation, but I am still not terribly supportive of the procedure. Plus, less exploding, so that's a plus.

And a study ( done by Heat Magazine of 2,000 men, including Russell Brand, showed that 89% of men prefer natural to plastic. In case you're bad with numbers, this is a pie chart to show you.

Boob jobs

1. You have "perfect breasts"
2. Gravity no longer applies to you
3. You can go bra less because of #2 
4. It can make you feel better about yourself
5. There was that one time that implants saved a lady from dying when her husband stabbed her

1. Only 11% of men prefer fake to real
2. They could explode, making you lose a lot of blood
3. Expensive
4. You can wear a push up bra
5. You're going to be like the mother in Mean Girls. 

For those of you who haven't seen Mean Girls, there will be no summation of what that means. You're dead to me.
Also, it's on Netflix, so you have no excuse.

There are reasons to get implants. In fact, one of the very first breast augmentations(, done by Dr. Vincenz Czerny in 1895 was to help even out a patients breasts after a tumor was removed. When women have mastectomy's due to breast cancer, reconstructive breast surgery, another form of augmentation, is often times used to help them feel more normal after the removal, and a woman who had actually just undergone a reconstructive surgery is what got me into bras in the first place.

And you won't find me railing against mascara or makeup, and though you all know how I feel about push up bras, I'm not going to try and get those banned. If you do it because it will make you feel better about who you are, then more power to you. But do your research. Find safe techniques, find a doctor you trust, and remember the the pros and cons.
Phillip Schofield from the "This Morning" show with Chelsea Charms

What I'm trying to say is I get it.
Maybe I don't approve of it, but I get it.
And if you're looking for a less permanent augmentation, why not try Snooki's "two bra boob job"? I can promise that pretty much any two bras you find will be cheaper then getting your breasts done.
Or try the Bangkok breast slapping technique. Remember, you need a professional for this one.
But try to keep it natural.
Once you get into Chelsea Charms territory, it's probably time to stop.


Friday, June 29, 2012

The Variable Cleavage Bra, Just Pull the String

Oh hey, what's up?
It's been a long ass time since I last updated, but I ain't even sorry.
A girl has to keep busy sometimes, I REGRET NOTHING.

Anyways, on to the updates in boobs news.
Remember the weird ass Chinese Boob Clamper?

Well, Wonderbra decided to make something quite similar in 2000 and is doing a limited rerelease, but it's just a bra with a drawstring basically. (Also, has anyone ever wondered if Wonderbra is short for "Wonder-where-your-boobs-went-when-you-took-off-your-bra"?)
It's called the variable cleavage bra, and it lets you control how much cleavage you want to have at any given time with a little pull on the string.
Picture from
That bitch looks kind of crazy scary.

This isn't exactly a new concept, and Lily Of France has a bra very similar to this, but it has stupid little hooks in the front, and basically changing the setting on it makes your fingers feel like they're bleeding, it's probably the most awesome thing ever.

Except it's not. This seems much cleaner and easier to use, and probably hurts your fingers less. That's just a guess though.

Thoughts? Buy or not?
I just kind of manipulate mine until they look the way I want them to, so I don't know if I would buy a bra specifically for this.

Until next time!