Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Boob Tattoo is Promoting... WoW?

I promised to make up my absence with you, and I couldn't think of a better way then this little gem I've been waiting to show you.

People get tattoos for lots of reasons. But in this case, this tattoo is purely for money.
To be more specific, 500,000 dollars.
 This amount was paid by a website called, which sells WoW gold, to Russian adult film star Anna Morgan (pictured below) to tattoo the companies logo and url on her breasts.
Picture from
She's agreed to not alter the tattoo for two years, and that will have ended last month. No news on whether it's been removed or not, but I don't think that's a tattoo I would keep on my boobs.
Especially if I was going to be doing adult films. Which was exactly their plan.
Draw in all the Russian creepers, and people who like foreign chicks.

Sorry, Sorry!

You may have noticed that I haven't posted in a while.
I've been quite busy, and haven't had a chance to post.
I plan to start back up pretty soon though, so I just need you to hang in there with me!

Picture from
I love all of you, and I promise to start posting for you all again.
I think I have a perfect post to keep you all from being too mad at me.
So calm yo' tits, and have some patience!


Friday, June 17, 2011

The Boob Luge

Sometimes people make completely magical inventions.
Like the Wine Rack, or sliced bread.
But this my friends, is in a category of it's own.

Picture from
This is the boob luge.
If you've ever wanted to relive being an infant, drinking from icy nipples while getting completely wasted, this is your chance, because you can buy this baby for 24.98.
You can make it glow, by purchasing little LED pucks to toss in there for a lovely set of glowing breasts.
And don't worry, it's not sexist, you can buy a manly version.

Best catchphrase ever.

That is drinking in style.


Tomatoes as Big as my Boobs

I know my boobs aren't the biggest in the world, but they're not exactly small either. So you might imagine that me finding something that should fit into the palm of your hand comfortably that's as big as one of my breasts, is disconcerting to say the least.
So imagine me walking into Whole Foods with my good friend and finding a monster sized tomato. Not a melon, or like a head of lettuce.
A tomato.
Sideways picture is sideways.
Guys, this is real life. This was a freaking huge tomato.


Here's the other tomatoes compared to that one.

I guess I need to buy more organic.


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

That Natural, Nipply Look

You know what's cool?
Lots of things have them. Men, women, baby bottles, lots of animals. They're handy little buggers attached to your body.
But most of us aren't like, "hey, check out my super cool nips. Sometimes when it's cold, I use them to slice through cheese. It's a cool party trick."
But for those of you who are into that sort of thing, maybe I can interest you in the "Nipple Bra".
That's right.
A bra with nipples on it.
Picture from
Cause yours just aren't good enough.
Now, when I buy bras, I tend to lean towards the kind that conceal all that mumbo jumbo, but if you want that perky, nipply look, here's a good alternative.
Which is hopefully just missing decimal points in the price, because no fake nipples should cost that much.

Mine were free.


The Frontless Bra

 I love v neck shirts. They're like clothing makers gift to women with breasts, and gift to men who love looking at them.
But I hate the ones that are really deep, like down to my belly button.
Like, hi. I have breasts.
And they, uh, don't really cooperate with being unrestrained very well.
But Ultimo has a solution for my problem.
Ultimo, the same people who gave us the lovely video of chicks in bras on a rollercoaster, has what they call a frontless bra. It's basically like a demi bra tilted to make more of a v, and less of an m, and looks like it comes with a clear, or at least jazzy looking fastener between the lady lumps.
Picture from
This bra goes all the way to a G cup.
And is awesome. Just so you know.
Now you can properly run around in a crazy deep v neck blouse, showing of your lady bits without worry for their escape!
Sorry, this is just so awesome. As far as I can tell, Ultimo is the one manufacturer with a bra like this, so if you want one, click here and check them out. If not, the zoom they have on the website is worth checking out, just because it is truly quality.
Now to buy on of those stupid "v points to vagina" shirts without fear!


Friday, June 10, 2011

Bacon Friday, Keep Warm With Bacon

There are lots of things to keep warm with.
Sweaters, boobs, boob warmers, but...
Heck yes.

Picture from
This may be the singularly best thing I've ever seen in my life.
This wonderful set was available at, but it's sold.
I need someone to make this for me.
Right now.
It's a perfect, tasty way to keep warm.
Except I would try to eat it, and probably die.

Seriously, someone make me one.


Thursday, June 9, 2011

Wearing the Right Size Bra

Wearing the right size bra can make you look smaller/larger.
Whoever said this, stop right now.

The only reason your boobs would look smaller is because you wouldn't be trying to shove them into tiny ass bras, making the look like a multiplying cells of breast tissue.
Because you would stop saying, oh, I'm not a D cup, I've never been a D cup, and I'll never be a D cup, even if radiation started making my breasts swell as large as my head!
Theoretically, not all of you denying Dana's are D cups or 40 bands, but you're not wearing the right one.

And they would only look larger because the wouldn't fill your cup only halfway, leaving the top empty, and the cup wrinkly, and your boobs looking like they're drowning raisins.
If you're a B cup, guess what?

All wearing the right size bra is going to do for you, is make your boobs look the way they're supposed to.
The way genetics and Mother Nature, and all those fun bits of your life intended them to look.
You want to look bigger?
Want to look smaller?

But whatever you want, STOP LYING.
Because, in the dark of the night, I will find you.
(Anastasia tie in, high five!)
And I will tie you up with measuring tapes, and suspend you over a burning pile of your old, ill fitting bras, and poke you with the burning hot metal bits of the bras until you see the grievous errors of your ways.

I mean

Monday, June 6, 2011

1000 Ways To Die: Boobicide, Death by Breasts

I was watching "1000 Ways to Die", and there was a segment of an episode called "Boobicide".
Basically, there was this chick, who worked at a strip club (big surprise), and pulled in clients because of her large breasts, weighing in at ten pounds a breast.
These puppies were not natural, they had been enlarged though breast augmentation using the same polypropylene string we saw on Chelsea Charms.
Not only was she busty, she was also smart.
Like, super smart.
She liked to mix oxycodone and alcohol after stripping. And, because lugging around twenty pounds of boobs can make you back hurt really bad, she liked to hang out on her inversion rack.
Now, for those of you who don't know, and inversion rack is this super handy little device that you lay on, with your feet hooked onto a bar at one end, and hang upside down.
Picture from

So basically, imagine the above woman, with giant jugs.
Giant jugs that are affected by gravity.

My interpretation of what this looked like when it happened.

Basically, because her boobs were so heavy, they swung right down onto her face, effectively blocking her airways, and because she was so mixed up on her... fancy dancy cocktail, she was unable to flip herself rightwards.

And she died.
She was smothered. By her own breasts.
Guys, for those of you who know me, this is literally something that I used to be really afraid would happen to me.
Less because of alcohol and drugs and inversion racks, but more because I was afraid I would fall asleep, and my boobs would grow so fast in my sleep that they would smother me.
We should all be careful.
Don't let that be you on "1000 Ways to Die".


Sunday, June 5, 2011

Bra Fitting and Buying, Made Easy

Getting fitted can suck. But only because people let it suck.
So here, my lovelies, is a quick guide to making the process painless.
If you want to skip the actual getting fitted, read this, and continue following the steps.

1. Know what kind of bra you want, or at least what needs you have to fulfill.

This step is important, because if you don't have an idea, the specialist won't know what to reccommend. Well, they will, but they won't know what kind you personally would like.

2. Wear a bra you've always liked, but not a sports bra.

This will give the specialist a more specific picture of what you like to wear, and what kind bra you've been wearing. And even if you like sports bras, don't wear one to a fitting. A sports bra will compress your breast tissue, and make measuring difficult.

3. Be prepared for the cold hard truth.

Getting measured is painless, but not neccessarily fun. And what the specialist may tell you, may not be what you want to hear. And you're gonna have to put on your big girl panties, and get over it. You've had your boobs your whole life, but these people are professesionals.

4. Listen to suggesions.

Like I said before, these people know things. Things about breasts. So try to listen to what they say. Listen to what they're telling you about needs as far as size and style go.

5. Try things on.

When they give you suggestions, try them out. They say underwire, you try on some underwire. They say molded cup, you try on molded cup. Make sure you have lots of time so you can try them on.

6. Leave happy.

Don't make this suck anymore then it has to, and try not to make the process painful. Once you're properly sized and advised, buying, and wearing, bras will become a much better experience.

(A few places you can get fitted in the US:
JC Penney
Victoria Secret
Lane Bryant)

Love you all!
Now go forth, and be fitted!