Blitz Sports Bra and Grill

IT'S NOT A TYPO.
FIRST PERSON WHO TELLS ME I SPELLED BAR WRONG, I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE HIP.

Specific threat, no?

Anyways, this is a real place in Texas, and the owners one hundred percent meant to spell it that way.
"We called it 'Sports Bra' on purpose," says Frank Negron, co-owner. "It is a breastaurant, if you want, like Hooters or Twin Peaks, but that's as far as it goes. The girls are dressed like little referees. But 'Blitz' doesn't have any connotation, and we didn't want parents coming in and saying, 'You should have told us' -- so we called it the Sports Bra & Grill."




Picture from 1800-sports.com

Well, parents really can't argue with that, they literally spelled it out for you! Also, who takes their kid to a bar, or bra in this case, and grill, and doesn't expect to see skimpily dressed ladies? It's a learning experience.
"See son, those are called boobs."
Parenting win.

Anyhow, when the two partners went to get the permits for the place in Dallas County, everyone tried to inform them that they didn't know how to spell bar properly. And then, the two, being former cops, told them to shove it.

Not really, but that would have been awesome.

Negron is quoted as saying, "All the names are based on sporting events, like the choke chicken salad and Olympic onion rings, and the Madison Square Garden salad -- anything to make you remember the place."
In case the hot referee girls weren't enough to stick in your head.

I need to go here.
Who's taking me to Garland, Texas?

(oYo)
Booblogger

The Boob Luge

Sometimes people make completely magical inventions.
Like the Wine Rack, or sliced bread.
But this my friends, is in a category of it's own.

Picture from Drinkingstuff.com

This is the boob luge.
If you've ever wanted to relive being an infant, drinking from icy nipples while getting completely wasted, this is your chance, because you can buy this baby for 24.98.
You can make it glow, by purchasing little LED pucks to toss in there for a lovely set of glowing breasts.
And don't worry, it's not sexist, you can buy a manly version.

Best catchphrase ever.


That is drinking in style.


(OYO)
Booblogger



1000 Ways To Die: Boobicide, Death by Breasts

I was watching "1000 Ways to Die", and there was a segment of an episode called "Boobicide".
Basically, there was this chick, who worked at a strip club (big surprise), and pulled in clients because of her large breasts, weighing in at ten pounds a breast.
These puppies were not natural, they had been enlarged though breast augmentation using the same polypropylene string we saw on Chelsea Charms.
Not only was she busty, she was also smart.
Like, super smart.
She liked to mix oxycodone and alcohol after stripping. And, because lugging around twenty pounds of boobs can make you back hurt really bad, she liked to hang out on her inversion rack.
Now, for those of you who don't know, and inversion rack is this super handy little device that you lay on, with your feet hooked onto a bar at one end, and hang upside down.

Picture from heartmonitor.com.



So basically, imagine the above woman, with giant jugs.

Giant jugs that are affected by gravity.

My interpretation of what this looked like when it happened.

Basically, because her boobs were so heavy, they swung right down onto her face, effectively blocking her airways, and because she was so mixed up on her... fancy dancy cocktail, she was unable to flip herself rightwards.

And she died.

She was smothered. By her own breasts.

HER OWN. BREASTS.

Guys, for those of you who know me, this is literally something that I used to be really afraid would happen to me.

Less because of alcohol and drugs and inversion racks, but more because I was afraid I would fall asleep, and my boobs would grow so fast in my sleep that they would smother me.

We should all be careful.

BE CAREFUL, OK?

Don't let that be you on "1000 Ways to Die".

(OYO)

Booblogger

The Wine Rack, It Holds More Then Alcohol

You know those people who like to run on the mountains?
With the backpacks with tubes so they can drink from their water while they run, cause they're hardcore?
Well now they have one specifically for women. It's a sports bra that you can literally fill with alcohol.
Up to 25 ounces of alcohol.
Plus, it makes your boobs look bigger.
This magical product is called, if you will, "The Wine Rack".
BEST. PRODUCT. NAME. EVER. (Also, best product ever.)
And if you go to the bars, trying to seduce a man, you just pump your bra full of his favorite beverage, and let him drink from your bounty, so that he will become so intoxicated that he won't notice that your breasts are slowly deflating...
Plus, you can bring alcohol into all those places you aren't supposed to, like bars, church, your nephews birthday party...
This may be one of the best things I've ever seen in my whole life.
Thank you baby Jesus for inspiring someone to come up with this fabulous product, which I will soon purchase, and then go drunken running with.
Watch out y'all, now I really might knock someone out with my breasts, and that someone may be me, because I will be intoxicated.
Or you, because you will be in my way.


(OYO)
Booblogger