Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Another Boobs Exploding Story

Hey, anyone else noticing a trend?
Like how implants explode and try to kill people?
I mean, there was the one story about the lady saved from getting stabbed by her husband by her implants, but that's apparently not common. It's much easier to find stories about the implants exploding or trying to murder people.

So if you're considering a boob job, you should read all these posts first, and consider the risks.

Picture from www.digitalspy.com

Anyways, British model Danielle Lloyd had a mishap with her implants recently. Specifically, they swelled up to the size of her head and then exploded.

She lost a liter of blood, so like, over a quart of blood from this. They discovered blood clots during the removal surgery, potentially saving her life.


"I looked like I had giant implants," she said. "I felt as though my breast exploded and this time it happened a lot faster than before.

"My left breast went down to literally nothing. It was just an empty sack while the right one was huge."

Yeah, how you feel about implants now?
Really good?

Anyways, she stated that her marriage was going to happen, "With or without boobs."

Have to admire her persistence.


Mud Wrestling, it's Gonna Make Your Boobs Explode

Remember my post about how that lady got shot with a paintball gun and her implant exploded?
And how Sharon Osbourne's just exploded for now reason?

Well now we can add mud wrestling to the list of things that causes awkward implant explosion.

Apparently there's this Swedish tv show called "Djungelns Drottning" ('Queen of the Jungle')and it's like... Survivor with only hot chicks in the jungle where one of the competitions is mud wrestling.
I need to find this channel.

Anyhow Blogger Lina Hellqvist, 24, is one of ten "beautiful big city girls" competing on the show, and she was part of the wild mud wrestling scene. It apparently got out of control, and ended up causing her implant in her right breast to dislodge.

"It was totally insane. It just burst," she told the Expressen newspaper.

"The other girls were also worried and wondered what was wrong. It was really unpleasant."


If I was on that show, I would have been like, "Nope! I'm done, the end. Screw the jungle and mud wrestling. I like my boobs not exploded, thank, bye."

She's currently waiting to undergo reconstructive surgery. 

Ugh, that just creeps me out. You're wrestling some chick in some mud in the jungle, and her boobs just deflates and she starts screaming. What exactly are you supposed to do in that situation?

I'll tell you what I'd do, run like hell.


Creams to Make Your Boobs Bigger, Do They Work?

I don't know if you guys have heard of this, but on the market there are some creams that claim they can cause your bust to grow.
I'm super skeptical, because there's very few things that can actually make your boobs grow, and I doubt creams are really the best option.

Anyways, a study conducted by the boob job experts at Cosmetic Surgery Guru was.... inconclusive.

Duh, weirdos.

Anyways, the expensive cream basically just smelled nice and made the participants boobs really soft, which is nice, but didn't noticeably increase bust size.

The second one also smelled nice, but apparently did cause some change.
Mostly just local swelling though, which I think is negligible. It's called period swelling ladies, it happens.

Anyways, creams?
No thank you, I don't need my boobs any bigger. However if you are looking to increase your cup size, I would personally recommend the slap technique. Or if you don't want to get slapped by an old Asian disco lady, just let someone grope you. If you stimulate the nerves often enough, they will swell, and maybe even grow a little bit.

So hats off to all the ladies letting random people grope them.
If you can't find anyone, feel free to give me a call. ;D


I'm Sorry, Your Nickname is Hilarious

So I like to do research on boobs every once in a while, but I really only find interesting things by really digging around.

And today while searching through a mass of very classily named adult sites, I found out that there's been two sports players with the apparently well known nickname of "Boob".

Boob Darling: "Bernard "Boob" Darling (born November 18, 1903) was an American football player. He played his entire five year career with the Green Bay Packers and was inducted into the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame in 1970."

Boob Fowler: "Joseph Chester "Boob" Fowler (November 11, 1900 – October 8, 1988) was a Major League Baseball shortstop. He played for the Cincinnati Reds (1923–1925) and Boston Red Sox (1926)."

Now I'm not super big into sports, but I know what locker room talk is like, and I bet that's a joke that never got old.

"Hey guys, I was in the shower and I saw Boob."
"No way, there's a dame in there?"
"Naw, just Boob Darling."

Now I'm just imagining guys in towels laughing really hard and slapping their knees.

Haha, those were the days.
I wonder how you get a nickname like that in sports.
Anyone know the back story?


Thursday, March 22, 2012

The Story of How My Boobs Caused a Traffic Jam

I recently went on a trip to California to see my boyfriend.
Generally, I like to wear less clothes for that drive because the sun is like, blazing hot, and my car has the worst air conditioning known to civilization.
So I'm doing my thing, driving in the car getting scorched in my low cut top and shorts, basically learning what a cooked lobster feels like.

And we get to those stupid lanes where you have to pull up and they look at you and judge you, and then let you go. Or not. Depends on who you are.

Here, I drew a diagram.
Shut up, drawing is hard.
Ok, so I'm in the lane that goes straight forward, the other lane splits into two. The car to my right was a big ass truck with a trailer.

Anyways, I realize I need my sunglasses, which are in my purse in the passenger seat. So I lean across, and get them. And as I look up, this guy is just gaping at me like he's never seen cleavage before. Both lanes in front of him are clear now mind you, and the guys in the booths are like, dude, what the hell.

So I give him this look:

I almost did this one:

But I was pretty tired.

Anyways, cars behind him started honking and shouting things that would make a sailor blush, and he turned scarlet and moved forward.

And I laughed, oh how I laughed.
And then I was sad cause I still had a long ass way to drive.

But that's the story of how my boobs stopped traffic.


It's March Madness!

And I don't care.

Because to be perfectly honest with you, I don't really know what that means, and no one has explained it to me.

Something to do with brackets? I think I used those in my construction class one time. They were cool, but everyone else seems to think they're like... super awesome.
I wasn't impressed.

Anyways, some of you may have noticed, (or probably didn't because you don't care) I haven't updated in a long time. I don't know if you remember this, but I'm like, crazy busy. I have two jobs you know. And go to school. And have a social life. And I like to sleep. That doesn't leave much time for blogging. I'm working on that, I promise.

I was brought to the realization that I should blog more when I found myself home yesterday, with no school and no work. After posting approximately 50+ pictures and videos of cats on my very good friends facebook page, I realized I needed help.

Or something else to occupy my time. Then I remembered this existed.

And that's the story of why I'm updating.

Also, here's a picture of a cat.

Haha, soup cat.